Here Comes the Bride

 My babygirl, Birdpress, is on her way home to get married! She and J. left early this morning from KY. She sent me an email at 2:30 A.M. saying there was no chance she was going to sleep so she was going to find something quiet to do so J. could rest. He’ll be doing the driving. She reads.

I wish I could read on long car trips but I get motion sickness something awful!

They’re leaving before dawn so they should be here by early evening if road conditions allow it. We had snow two days ago but the roads are fine. I was worried because this is what it looked like on Tuesday:

The view from my driveway

 We get SNOW here on the edge of the Poconos! Had it not melted due to the warmer surfaces we would have gotten around 8 inches of the fluffy stuff. It’s weird to see because there are still autumn leaves on many of the trees!

I am so excited for Birdpress to get here. Many of her friends from Kentucky are making the drive on Friday to be here. Most of them I have not met. She and J. moved there a couple of years ago so these are people they’ve know as a couple only a while. Some were J.’s friends from when he had lived there previously but now as friends couple up and marry it brought new people into the group.  So it will be interesting and fun for me to meet their circle of friends.

I’m also meeting J.’s family for the first time on Friday. They live in PA but way across the state from me. I can’t wait to see the kind of Mom, Dad, and brother  who helped in the making of this crazy, talented, intelligent young man. He IS crazy. He writes music:  headbanging, raunchy, and funny music!  He’s shy like Birdpress but once you get to know him, you see the wicked sense of humor in him. I think they’ll make a great old married couple.

 I made the centerpieces for the reception this week.

This was the first go round but then I thought it needs MORE! The tables are very small and food will be served family-style so great huge centerpieces were out of the question.

 I always have to get involved. WHY ?????

 

 

 

 

 

 

 So I made these floral rings to put at the base of them.

(Note that the apples are gone but they will be replaced. I got hungry! )

I couldn’t find pink sand for the bottom of the hurricanes so I used pink paste food coloring to dye it and that worked quite well!

This wedding is so HER! I love her colors. Her Bridesmaids dresses are Raspberry Pink and her theme colors are Raspberry and Apple Green.  And her cake is going to be amazing! It’s walnut cake with Maple frosting so it fits in with the autumn thing.  J. was allowed to pick out the cake flavor and I think he made a great choice!! (Hey, ya gotta get ’em involved, people! Whatdaya think? They’re only there to look pretty?)

I got a crap dress. I looked and looked for a fab dress but every one of them that I liked and/or looked best in was black, (I look great in black!) which I think is inappropriate for the Mother-of-the Bride to wear. I got a purple-y, some might call it plum, cocktail length number with a little sparkley sequin thing going on. Not really me but meh…. people won’t be looking at me anyway. At least not until D’Bear and I get out on the dancefloor and kick it! I got some great shoes, though, with spikey three and a half inch heels! I am redeeming myself with these bad-girl shoes!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Today I must keep busy so that I don’t go crazy waiting for my little girl to arrive!

OK, I’ll vacuum..again! I’ll prep tonight’s dinner. I’ll dust..again. I’ll take a walk maybe.  AGHHH!

 I may be gone from here for a couple of days but when I return I will have PHOTOS!!! So don’t do anything on Halloween that I wouldn’t do.  **evil laugh**  Meanwhile go wish Birdpress a wonderful wedding. She would like that!

Love , You all!

I Don’t Get It…. But let’s have fun! French Maid!!

On May 5. I wrote a post called The Cleaning Lady. In it I posted a picture of a cute little French maid. Ever since then the stats page shows me search terms that people used to find my blogs and almost every day they look like this:

sexy french maid	4
french maid	3
sexy french maid costume	2
trisha drinking and dancing on the stree	2
trisha in t.shirt stills	1
dead french maid	1
french maid costumes	1
french maid costume

“Dead French maid”? WTF? Some sick bastard…

 So I thought it would be fun to try a little experiment to see if all it takes to rack up hits is the right TAGS!

For all you freaks out there who reeeaaallly wanna see French maids-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And finally, one for D’Bear:

Randomness

  I was wandering randomly around the blog sites today to see if there was someone I could really connect with. I hit the arrow at the top right-hand side of my screen and it sends me off to a new page, a new person’s or organization’s blog. Sometimes, not often, I get lucky and find a gem! But more often than not I know within a few sentences it’s not a good fit for me.

   Here are a few examples of sentences I’ve read on random blog sites that told me I need read no further:  (Please bear in mind that this is about me finding something or someone I fit with. It is not intended as criticism of the content or the writer! I laugh just the same.)

Sometimes I have NO IDEA what the meaning behind the words is:

   The  “proposed solution is to explicitly implement everything in a program, preferably a functional program, so that the fuzziness is exorcised.”

or this:

    “14.Now you combine a O berry with the hot sauce and the puffle goes red and goes hyper and makes a hole through the snow”

 Then there are those sentences which just boggle the mind. I’m sure the author knows what they’re trying to say but  my brain seizes up when I read this:

 I had a girlfriend then, who wasn’t over her ex-girlfriend for 5 years. When my girlfriend then learned that her ex-girlfriend is now my friend’s girlfriend, she couldn’t accept it.

  Then there’s the WTF entry:

  A car door slammed behind him. In the white noise deafness of that grey downpour, the engine roared to life like nothing else. It shuddered and the car rumbled down along the pure-black, down avenues, down boulevards, like nothing else in the discomfort of that wilderness.

 The rain dropped like hen’s eggs from windows, like brass or bullets in the morning.

 

  We have the drunken blog entry which I personally  get a kick out of:

“Lov am so fuckin drunk but omg I have llots of stoeies to tell you lol my life’s full of crazy hookups. hahah okay so tmw afternoonl, i will wirte a real entry. full of good stuff enjoy!! even if muscles can;t decide right now..desn;’t stop me from ahvin ood tiems!! lol tell ou soon!!!

 I LOVED this one:  ( I still giggle every time I read it!)

“I was watching inconvenient truth the other day and theres the bit where it shows the sea level rising really high and flooding most of the world. Well i live near the sea, and don’t want to drown, so i got to thinking. Maybe if we lower the sea level a bit, when the water level rises then it won’t rise high enough to flood.

Anyway, heres the plan. Everyone who can should take a bucket of sea water and pour it down the sink. If lots of people put the effort in, we could lower the sea level substantially and create a better world for our children to live.”

 And this one; the author ends with a quote which completely disputes her (il)logic:

“I enjoy all the frills of being a woman. I mostly enjoy the poofy dresses, wearing flowers in my hair, being given a boys oversized jacket when I get cold and getting to go first in line for carrot cake. ☺ But, mostly the thing I love about being a woman is knowing that I deserve respect simply because I exist.”

Is not general incivility the very essence of love?

– Jane Austen

  Happy random reading!      —→

Trisha

Freakin’ Out

Friends celebrating my victory, except for Joey, on the right who's just jealous.

 I am excited to announce that I have been named “Freak of the Week” over at Purefnevyl‘s weekly contest. It’s the most fun you can have with your clothes on! I had so much fun!

Evyl is an amazing blogger. He somehow manages to combine dirty-talk, lecherous thoughts and porn into the most incredibly erudite and entertaining forum around. I can say this: it’s NEVER boring! If you have somehow missed checking him out, I encourage you to go there now and I know you’ll count yourself among his many fans.  (Women swoon. Men Idolize.)

Anyway, a huge and sincere “Thank you” to Evyl for the title this week.( I may get a T-shirt made.)

Change Is Good

A recent comment from Dobeman made me start wandering about the way others have seen me this past year or so.

As some of you may know, I am waiting for the final divorce papers to come through any day now.  It’s been three and a half years since my ex walked out my  door and into his girlfriend’s. I grieved and ranted and stopped functioning for over a year and then I decided that that was bullshit and decided to live again.

 I never expected to meet someone so easily. D’Bear and I met July 13th of last year and we’ve been a “couple” ever since. He lives three and a half hours away from me. We each own our own homes. We aren’t planning on changing anything major ’cause this arrangement suits us. We’re two peas in a pod. We are silly and loving and living a life I only dreamed was possible.

 What is it about me that has changed these past few years? Hmmm… let’s see.

1. I no longer refer to myself as “Pat”, the name I got stuck with when I moved north of the Mason/Dixon Line in 1974. (Previous to that I was known as “Patty”. Gag me.) Now since the ex’s girlfriend is also named “Pat” I use “Trisha” since Patricia is a little too formal for me. I’m not a formal kinda gal.
2. I have learned that I am once again still a sexual human being! Yeehaw! Sex is fun!! You just need the right partner!! Who knew?
3. I no longer have someone to nag and/or bully into doing things around here. It never worked anyway and it only served to piss me off. Now when the garbage needs to be taken out or the fields need to be mowed or the car needs to be serviced I simply take care of it. I always did anyway. Now I just skip the first step!
4. I am no longer afraid to go to the toilet in the middle of the night to find myself sitting in the toilet water getting my ass wet because the fucktard I was married to couldn’t be bothered to put the seat down in THIRTY FUCKING YEARS!
5. I eat healthy foods now ( most of the time) rather than the crap the ex wanted on a regular basis. Thanks to this my cholesterol has gone down over 40 points!
6. I have purple stripes in my hair!
7. I dress better. This is because I am with someone who gives a shit! Before I could have worn the sexiest thing on the racks and the ex would never have noticed… or cared. If you aren’t a classic car or a meatball sub you don’t get much attention from him.
8. I’ve learned a lot about wine. D’Bear is a wine connoisseur and I am building a kick-ass wine cellar now! I love it!
9. I’ve learned that I can live very cheaply and still be happy. Good thing since my money options have gone to the dogs. I sold my business two years before my marriage went totally to shit and haven’t been able to regain the financial stability I once had. C’est la vie!
10. I can love again. It’s great! I learned that I am NOT unlovable or so flawed that no one can love me.  D’Bear loves me!

So , yeah, I’ve changed. My ex used to tell me “You’re not the girl I married! You’ve changed!” Well, DUH!! I grew UP! I matured! I evolved!

 Him? Not so much.

It’s ONLY Hair!!!

My best and oldest friend and I went out today for shopping and lunch; such a girly thing to do but we haven’t spent much time together this summer.

 She lives half of the year in my town here in NE Pennsylvania and the other half in Sarasota, FL.. She and her husband are retired for quite some time. They are what is referred to as “filthy rich”.  She has housekeepers and gardeners and pool boys, and maintenance people all over the place.  They don’t flaunt their wealth in gaudy ostentatious ways but nonetheless they enjoy a certain level of comfort that most of us only dream about.

 Because I have been spending so much time with D’Bear and commute back and forth to Rochester a couple of times every month she and I haven’t had as much time together as we used to. Today it really hit me just how far apart our lives have become. She is stuck in a dull routine. She doesn’t go anywhere. She doesn’t do anything interesting. She and her husband live lives of dull monotony but they seem content  so who am I to criticise?

 Today she got in my car as we headed out to Scranton for some shopping and she was jabbering away, catching me up on the doings of her family of six.  Suddenly she looked over at me as I was driving and said ” Do you have purple stripes in your hair?!” I had just had my colorist put in some eggplant-colored lowlights and then some purple-ish strips along the underside of my hair. I thought it was fun and loved the new look!

 I said “Yeah, do you like it?” 

Now I thought she would say, as I would have if the shoe had been on the other foot ” That’s cool! What a neat look! I think that’s great!” or something along those lines.

No. She said “Ummm, …Okaaaaaayyy…” and then she changed the subject.

 She’s always been like a big sister to me as well as being my closest friend and confidante so her lack of enthusiasm hit me like a slap in the face. I chose to let it go instead of calling her on it.

 Two years ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer and during the first mastectomy the doctors discovered a malignant tumor in her lung. They removed the middle lobe of her right lung as well as her left breast and then she spent six months undergoing intensive chemotherapy. She has since had the other breast removed as well.

 I went down immediately after her first surgery and spent a couple of weeks taking care of her. I was so afraid of losing her. When you have no other family, then friends like her become your family.  I couldn’t NOT go! She was such a fighter. She seldom complained even when the chemo left her barely able to move or eat or sleep.  I finally left when I saw her beginning to rally and her youngest daughter was able to take my place caring for her mother.

 Since then my dear friend has gone from vibrant youth to frail oldster. She acts old. She talks old. Her attitudes have even changed into those of an “OLD” woman!

Oh, she still loves me as I do her but we are in two different worlds right now. I am coming into my own with a life I had only dreamed of a few years ago. Since meeting D’Bear I am truly loving life in a way I hadn’t been able to do for decades! She is happy for me but in all honesty she often times thinks I am off my nut! It is so hard for her to relate to my lifestyle. We are only nine years apart chronologically but we are eons apart in attitude.  It has gotten so bad that I won’t even let her drive because she doesn’t seem to be able to find the accelerator , only the brakes!! She brakes every time she drives downhill!!! Arrgghh!!!

 I would have thought that having beat death she would be more open to life, more understanding, more vibrant and sensitive to those around her. Wrong! She is simply stuck in her rich-girl world, completely cut off from what most of have to deal with on a daily basis. She can’t seem to understand that I am no longer financially able to fly to Norway with her for a cruise around the fjords or that I can’t take off for a weekend in Long Island where hotels start at $200 a night! Her days consist of talking on the phone and maybe running the dishwasher. Mine consist of draining water lines,  worrying about the lack of insulation in my attic, or mending the hole in the woodshed roof. 

  Lord, give me strength to remain calm and understanding because she is a wonderful person and I love her like I have seldom cared for any other outside of my children. 

But Lord, would you smack her upside her head and tell her to say something nice about my hair?

Meanwhile, this song ALWAYS makes me cry when I think of my dear friend, Wenche.  May you share a park bench with me in eternity, old friend.

Pics to Make You Feel Good About Your Halloween Costume

  I think this was the weirdest Halloween party I ever attended.  D”Bear reaaaallly did NOT want to go because he hates dressing in costume…or so he said.  I helped him put together a simple costume that even he wouldn’t feel too awkward about -a doctor! I had a lab coat from when Daughter #1 was in school. She got me a stethoscope and a pair of gloves. We found a few accessories to round it out but on the day of the party he tried the lab coat on and uh oh.. it was too small! So off we went in search of a new costume. Rochester is a crazy city. You can find almost anything here!

 We found a vintage clothing shop that sells great old tuxedo jackets and D’Bear found the perfect one with satin lapels and long tails. We got some white hair spray paint and I had my face-paints and brushes. I think he kinda got into it!

 He came out looking like this:   

Of course this was taken later in the evening when some of the make-up had worn off but you get the idea.

 Every time he walked into a different room people shouted “Beetlejuice-Beetlejuice-Beetlejuice!!”

 

 When I got dressed I looked like this:

 

 

 

Not exactly what I had imagined but hey, it’s a costume!

 

 

Our friends came as the band Kiss:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some other shots from that fine evening:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 So this is a trial run for me for Birdpress‘s rehearsal dinner on Halloween! It’s to be a Costume Party Rehearsal Dinner! Did she tell ya?     Oops! I can’t wait to see what she and the Groom-to-be dress as! Bwahahahaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!  BOO, y’all!!!

OH MY GOTH !

 

 

I have a Halloween party to attend this weekend with D’Bear. The next-door neighbors have one every year. We didn’t go last year because Mr. Bear hates dressing in costume while I, being the ham that I yam, LOVE it!

 I was looking for weeks for just the right dress to go with my black and pink wig and Goth accessories. D’Bear and I were in a charity consignment shop here in PA last weekend and he walked over to me holding the PERFECT dress. It’s a long-sleeved, black floor-length dress in LACE!! AND it only cost $10!! And the money goes to the local animal shelter! It doesn’t get better than that!

  I have face-painting make-up from last year when my oldest daughter, C. and I painted faces at a fundraiser for her church. I plan to paint some wicked “tats” on myself. I got long black press-on nails,  thick black false eyelashes, black lipstick and nail polish, a vintage beaded collar, f*ck me pumps, and I’m all set to rock the partay!

 I’ll try to get pictures, y’all!

More Stink

It was bad enough that I had a bad case of flatulence a couple of days ago but then this afternoon I was downstairs in the cellar looking in the spare refrigerator for a bottle of rosé and I almost gagged from the stench emanating from inside. The last time I’d opened that door I smelled something “off” but after taking out the only perishable in there, a box of pie crusts, I figured that the problem was solved.

Oh, no, it was so much worse now! I looked  and looked for the culprit but couldn’t figure out what was causing the foul odor. I was just about ready to give up when I stooped down to check (again) the empty veggie bins and that’s when I saw it: a Ziploc bag of cut up broccoli, carrots sticks, cauliflower, and cucumbers, tucked out of sight on the drawer beneath the wine. I picked it up and the bag was nearly bursting from the build up of gas in there. OMG! The stink of rotting broccoli and cauliflower!

 Case solved! I’d had company over for the weekend a couple of weeks ago and somehow had completely forgotten those veggies were there. Yuck!! So I started wondering what it is about rotten cauliflower that makes it smells so bad. Here’s what I found out over at LiveScience.com:

Fragrant flatulence comes from colonies of bacteria shacked up inside our lower intestinal tract (which is why it can take hours for gas to kick in after a meal). In the process of converting our meals into useful nutrients, these food-munching microbes produce a smelly by-product of hydrogen sulfide gas—the same stench that emanates from rotten eggs.

 The biggest gas-producing generators are sugars and cauliflower contains a sugar called raffinose.

Raffinose – The secret gassy ingredient in beans, which is also found in broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, asparagus and other vegetables. Products like Beano, designed to reduce gas production, break down the sugar before it can reach eager intestinal bacteria.

 

Ironically, I also found out that hydrogen sulfide is sometimes released during the drilling for natural gas. See my post about the Marcellus Shale Formation in NE Pennsylvania.

Weird how things blend one into another, isn’t it? 

I can tell you that after eating my share of raw veggies that the amount of hydrogen sulfide I produce can be deadly!! Natural gas!! Yeah, that’s right!

 

 

 

 

Oh, the Horror!

It woke me up last night. It’s evil vapors crept out from under the covers, wound its way around my neck and face and tried to smother me.
It was sooo ugly! I could hardly breathe while it held me down, choking the life out of my still, unsuspecting body. I gasped and gagged!
It was several minutes before it finally released me and I could take a deep breath and then it had me again! Oh, the horror!!!

It musta been all that black bean salsa I ate last night. I’m really glad I slept alone!

hee hee hee………