Cracked & Crazed

Sometimes I feel every bit of the 57 years I have lived but most of the time I don’t know, or care, how old I am.

I live alone on a big old farm in a neat old farmhouse.  At one time we had kids here and cows, goats, horses, chickens, dogs, cats, and dang-near every kinda creature a good farm needs. Now the kids are grown, the animals died off or were sold, and the place is so quiet. I love this place. I know every nook and cranny of the 125 acres of it all. Twenty-seven years I have lived here.

Sadly I will probably be leaving here in a little while because of divorce but while it breaks my heart to leave I know it’s still just a place and that I can be happy whereever I need to be.

Meanwhile I work in the garden, paint in my studio, kayak on the nearby lakes and rivers and ride my bike along the creek road when I can.  I visit my boyfriend in Rochester, NY often and we cuddle and whisper sweet words to one another and he fills my life to overflowing. I spend wondrous time with my grandson, Cole, who turns two-years-old in May. He lights up my life like I never knew could happen. He’s magic to me. He loves his Nana like no one ever has.

I have two more grandsons in Georgia whom I adore and miss, Ethan and Aiden.  They are so very special and my regret is not being able to spend more time with them. Nanas need that!

My daughters make me proud. They make me feel like maybe I did something right along the way. How does one explain a mother’s love for her daughters?  My son Chris is amazing and I love him more than he can ever understand. My oldest son, Robert, I pray for every day. I want him back in my life when the time is right for him.

It’s been a crazy life. I can’t wait to see what else is in store for me along the way……

30 comments on “Cracked & Crazed

  1. i am suprised to find that you’re 54.
    Your home sounds lovely.
    My dream is a horse ranch.

    i totally dig horses.

    And your blog.

  2. c- Why surprised? I think some days I look good and other days I see every wrinkle and age spot and think I look like crap, but WTH…
    Thank you for all the nice words. I eat them UP!

    I dig YOUR blog, too!


  3. I finally got here! YAY for me!
    Funny the things you find out about people…would not, in a million years, have taken you for 54! Hot damn you look good woman!
    I’m hearing you the kids…i have 4 of them a long way south of me {haven’t seen the youngest one} and it’s hard…really hard…i’m very close to the other 2 though, so that’s something….
    This was a quick visit to say hi, but I’ll be back to trawl the archives if that’s ok? I have an inkling I may like what I see

    THANK YOU, Maurees for those lovely, sweet words!! Got you blogrolled, my new friend!!!

  4. I like your perspective a lot. Thank you for putting yourself out there.

    Thanks, boyo. At this point in my life there’s no reason not to relax a bit and enjoy! I put in a LOT of hard, and painful years so here’s hoping the next few will be relatively painless. I intend to TRY to make them count.

  5. WOOooooo! You are one hot momma, lady! You look…fantabulous!

    Ahhh…a big old farmhouse…that is my dream house (or a huge, old barn converted into a house – how cool would that be?) I am attached to my house, as well. I’ve only been here 12 yrs. and I know that I will be happy wherever I go…it’s just hard when you’ve spent so much time making it a home – putting your own special touches here and there to make it “yours”.

    2LD- I have been remiss in responding on this page since I figure no one has actually looked at it but gosh! I is so surpised! Thank you so much for stopping by and for you sweet words!

  6. So that’s what you look like. Huh. I never know what to expect before I see a blogger in a picture. I just imagine everyone as either a pirate or a soccer mom or a virgin playing world of warcraft. That’s the entire internet for me until I find out otherwise. I don’t know why I chose pirates to be the symbol for everyone who’s not a tool in my mind, but that’s just how it is. You were a pirate, but now I have a face to put with the name.

    Forget about age. I’m twenty four but I feel like I’m sixty and I act like I’m thirteen. Sorry about the downgrade from dixieland to NY, but at least there’s a man there to make it better. (I know nothing about Rochester, I just imagine everything in NY being the same as NY city) And hey, you’re right across the way from my woman! Send some good vibes across the lake for me.

    Josh- alas I was never either of those things: pirate or soccer mom but if I had to choose it wuold definitely be the pirate! Rochester is actually a wonderful city filled with interesting things to do, places to eat, and some really keerazy people! I love it! Hey, Emerald!!! Sending love from your main squeeze!!!!

  7. I am so glad i just found this page, ya little sneaker! You are beautiful Trisha, and your grandson has the cutest little smile – I love that age! Your farmhouse sounds magnificent, sounds like my dream spot and on all that land- ahhh! I’ll bet it’s peaceful there….
    Sounds like you are proud of your kiddies, and that shows what kind a person you are- you do seem like the kind of woman who would be happy planted wherever you land- that’s so important. I love this page!

    JQ- Aww, you are too, too kind. *blush* You say the nicest things!
    Come on out, sweet thang, and visit with me! That would be so awesome! Seriously! I’d love the company!!
    So far it looks like I’ll be here for a while. I don’t want to sell this place in such a down market and I know if I can hang on for a while it will be worth the sacrifices I need to make in order to keep it. I’m learning all kinds of new skills these days like roofing, basic plumbing, and how to get rid of the filled mouse traps!! YECK!!

  8. Hey, I’ve been paying attention here and I think if the cops check that little guy’s fingers there just might be some wedding cake frosting on them:) Following directions from the chicks on that wedding site that Birdpress has been posting on, I think this means you need to pull out the handcuffs – lol. What a cutie! (Both of you:)

    pamajama- Aww, you are so sweet! I plan on letting the little guy get a “taste” of his own medicine when the right time comes. I’m thinking in about 25 years from now at his own wedding!! HAHAHA!

  9. Great blog! I’m 54 too, and girl, we have a lot of tread left on the tires 🙂 You embrace the abundance in your life. Hanging on to your house seems like a good idea right now. Plus, you bring good energy to it. Keep up the good work!!

    lupusranting- AHA! A fellow traveler in the boomer world! Welcome!
    Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments. I plan on riding high for a long, long time.

  10. Look at that infectuous smile on that grandson of yours. I can truly relate! I have two grandsons and I am only a few years younger than you. You don’t look 54 – you look much younger. And you look so happy in that photo!

    Little Miss- Aww, thank you so much for that sweet comment! I am slow as heck saying this but you made me feel great when I read that! 😀

  11. Wow – you’ve got a great attitude, or at least you write like you do, and you look like you do. I’m jealous of you living close to mountains and lakes, but I’m glad you haven’t become jaded to them, and still enjoy them. Go strong!

    culinarygeek- Thanks!! What a nice thing to say! And I never get tired of looking out over the mountains from my windows. The views are incredible! Having grown up a flatlander ( from Florida!) I never take them for granted.

  12. Hey You!
    I really like your corner. I added you to my blogroll and I hope it is ok with you that I did so : )

    Take Care
    ☆ ☆ teddy bear hugs ☆ ☆

    jeanette- You are such a darling! Thanks! And your name just went onto MY blogroll!!

  13. Hello!

    Courtesy call :).

    Sounds like an interesting life – but you seem to take it all in with a smile & a laugh.

    Nuff respect.

    Well, thank you kindly! I try! Laughing looks better on me than crying which tends to make my eyes all puffy and red and unattractive. 😀

  14. Awww you are beautiful inside and out and I am so glad we “met” 🙂

    Nikki- Darlin’, you are too, too kind! 🙂 I am also glad we “met” and I think you are terrific, as a friend, as a mom, daughter, wife, and person!

    Oh, and you write well, too!! Love ya!

  15. Howdy! Found you through a comment you left over at PiedType’s place. Your blog has made my day–and she can tell you that lately, my days need making. Please don’t mind me while I poke around in your cupboards and sample all the Triscuits.

    Pandionna- By all means, sample the Triscuits!! Heeheehee
    I am so glad you like what you see. Most of my blogs are woven together through desparation and madness and are hit or miss. Somedays I like what I write and other times it’s all I can do NOT to hit the “delete” button!

  16. I assume that’s a typo and should resd 45! (dont konow how to do a smiley thing but I am)

    James- You are So sweet!! You just made my night! Actually that is wrong. I wrote that last year. I am now 55 and counting!

  17. It’s time for you to start posting again. I always did love to read what you wrote, and hear the stories you would share with me. Thank you for that, and I think it is time to share with more people than just me. I love you more than you know.

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