sometimes you just need a laugh

I know this has been around for a while but I get a giggle every time I watch it. Hope you like it, too!
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weekend update

soaking sun
I LOVE having people visit me. The farm is plenty big enough for company and I was born to cater parties and make people welcome.
So D’Bear and I had some friends from “the city” down for a country weekend. They are younger than us by almost 10 years. She’s 47 and he’s just turned 40 ( bless his heart! he’s a boy toy!) They always act so excited to come to the farm and go biking and kayaking and hiking and of course drinking, smoking, and eating!

They arrived Friday and, while they are lovely and friendly and sweet and complimentary, they are also lazy!! I kept asking if anyone wanted to GO DO SOMETHING but all I kept hearing was ” maybe later…” and “Nah, I’m enjoying just lying in the sun” (as they ate the quesadillas and homemade pizzas I prepared.)

While I enjoy lying in the sun doing nuffin’ as much as the next middle-aged woman, I also get the screamin’ meemies after a day or two of sunworshipping and magazine reading and eating and drinking. I NEED to MOVE IT! No one wanted anything to do with activity. NADA!
ScreamingWoman1_300H

OK, that’s cool. I busted my nut trying to make this a weekend get-away to remember but I really think the only thing they’re gonna remember is the vaguest memory of a hangover on Monday! I mean, after all the posturing about fitness that he does (he goes to the gym 6 days a week) and the comments about how cool it would be to kayak out on our local lakes or bike along the river, I made sure the bikes were in good shape, I pumped up all the tires, oiled the chains, checked the gears, etc. I loaded the kayaks in the bed of the old Dodge pick up so that we could be on the water in 15 minutes or less. I even found lots of extra gear like hiking boots and hiking poles, flotation devices, water bottles, old sneakers and water shoes, back packs, and so on. The weather was more than adequate for any of these activities most of the long Memorial Day weekend.

I never really expected D’Bear to go kayaking. He doesn’t really like the water and doesn’t swim well. She has been working crazy hours and I know she needed some plain old down time but HIM!
workout
Oh, well. I can feel pretty good about myself now when I am sitting on D’Bear’s porch of an evening and he walks past in his workout clothes being all Mr. I-Am-Going-To-The-Y-Now-But-You-Are-Too-Lazy-To-Go-With. HAHAHA!!!

I could probably kick his ass if I needed to.

you MUST read this!!!

fat
As someone who has battled with the same 30 friggin’ pounds my whole adult life, I consider myself to be a professional dieter. BUT I read this post by Flurrious today and I realized that I have met my match if not my superior.
PLEASE go HERE and read the funniest thing you’ve ever read about dieting in your life!!!

It’s a Boy!

SuperStock_1079-117My new grandson is here!! I just got back from the hospital where I got to see the birth of little Ryan.

He weighed 8 lbs. 14 oz. and he is absolutely adorable!

His mommy, my daughter is doing well right now. She has complications and is still potentially in danger but they tell me that she is doing pretty well so far so I have to focus on that.

When I left the hospital the little tyke was nursing away already!! He’s got a healthy appetite!

 I’m exhausted. Watching your daughter give birth is rather draining. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world! It is amazing! It’s so hard to believe that the daughter I gave birth to 33 years ago has two children of her own now!

 I’m off to bed to rest up after a long night. Nighty night!

Dobeman has a BIRTHDAY

birth When he was born,in 1973, I was in an Army hospital in a now-closed Army base. I was pretty sick. I had pre-eclampsia and my blood pressure was creeping up hourly. The doctors decided to induce labor.

I insisted I did NOT want anesthesia. I wanted my baby born free of any chemicals, alert and and as healthy as I could make him. They patted me on the head and told me, in the nicest *cough* Army way, that they would do what they felt best. Can you say patronizing?

 Then they had a sadistic ,woman-hatingnurse come and shave my entire pubal region with a cold basin of water and a rusty razor. After that I got a lovely enema and was told to “void when you feel you really need to”.

It was fun, let me tell you. Nine months pregnant, guts filled with soapy water, in labor and all alone. I had just turned 19 years-old.

 Lying in that sterile labor room by myself, no radio, no TV, no one to hold my hand through the contractions, I decided to be proactive for what was probably the first time in my life. For my baby. I began to push a little with each hard contraction and left alone for most of the next two hours I was not told I couldn’t or shouldn’t.

 The next time the nurse came to check me I told her I thought the baby was coming. “Oh, don’t be silly. You have a long way to go yet” she said in her most condescending voice. Then she checked my status and her mouth fell open. “Oh, my God! ” and she ran to get another nurse to help wheel me to the delivery room.

I gave birth to “Dobeman” on the labor room bed.

He was a healthy and beautiful baby. Do I hear a TA -DAAAA!!!

He’s still beautiful and with the exception of having some back problems and some wicked sinus issues he’s still healthy.

He’s the father of two of his own beautiful boys and he and his wife are pregnant with my new grandchild who is due in August.

 HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my son. I love you. You are the best Mother’s Day gift in the world.

i think i’m weird because

  • I love to read while I eat. My father did this and at least one of my kids, too. It’s not very sociable but I love to do it!
  • I don’t have any hair in my “pits” since “the change”.
  • I get words stuck in my head for days at a time. One time the word “vegetable” drove me nuts for two weeks! “veg-a-TABLE”, “VEGE-tble”, “veg-A-table”, and on and on and on…..
  • I can’t flair my nostrils but I can curl my tongue into a tube.
  • I really hate talking on the telephone. Really! Hate! It!
  • I love sardines in tomato sauce on Saltine crackers.
  • I like porn. Not ALL porn but enough…..  sheesh. One category on my “Favorites” list is labeled “porn & smut”.  And I’m not embarrassed about it.
  • Whenever I walk down stairs I have to count the number of steps to the top or the bottom (depending on which direction I’m going).
  • I see faces in wallpaper patterns, tree branches, wood grains, clouds, everywhere there is texture.
  • I think Lyle Lovett is sexy.
  • I am becoming “germaphobic”.  I have antibacterial gels everywhere: in my house , my car, my bag, and I keep wipes at every toilet, and I wash my hands twice whenever I come home from the stores.
  • I hate to go to bed when I’m home alone. I LOVE to sleep but there’s something about crawling into an empty bed that’s so sad. I stay up WAY too late!
  • I love liverwurst on toasted English muffins with mustard and onions.

I made these guys:p50101792

Bob #2

 

Bob#3

Bob#3

They are all named Bob. I am Bob.

So what makes you think you’re weird?

take my nose….please.

My Neti Pot is my friend. neti12Don’t know what a Neti Pot is? Click here.

My sinuses have been on overdrive for about two weeks, getting worse daily. I feel like someone went into  my nose with a vacuum hose and, blocking off parts around my eyes, turn it on to “high”. The pressure is awful.

**whine wimper whine*

sneezing_xsmallI went through an entire box of Kleenex in the last 12 hours.

I need to mow my lawn and also five acres of fields. Zyrtec works somewhat but the unfortunate side effects for me are sleeplessness. The last time I took one I didn’t sleep a wink the entire next night.

I love spring.