that’s stupid

laugh

According to the magazine Cooking Light women rate drinking enough water over having sex.

When it comes to health, drinking the recommended daily amount of water is more important to women than having enough sex, according to a national survey conducted by our magazine. When asked to prioritize behaviors related to their overall health and well being, women ranked drinking enough water fifth and sex seventh on the list.”

According to the women in the survey their priorities rank in order:

  1. Getting enough sleep
  2. Keeping stress level low
  3. Finding time to relax
  4. Eating healthfully
  5. Drinking the recommended amount of water
  6. Finding time to exercise
  7. Having enough sex

Let’s look at that list again.

  1. Getting enough sleep  –Sleep AFTER sex, people! It’s the BEST sleep in the world!
  2. Keeping stress level low — Sex is a stress reliever!!!! “They call me Mellow Yellow”…..
  3. Finding time to relax — How relaxed do you feel AFTER SEX???? D’UHHH!
  4. Eating healthfully — OK, I’ll give you that one. But have you ever had a Bacon, Egg, & Cheese Biscuit after sex? OMG!
  5. Drinking the recommended amount of water – Having sex makes you thirsty. You ‘ll drink as much as you need. There’s a faucet in the bathroom!
  6. Finding time to exercise – Sex IS exercise!
  7. Having enough sex — YES! The rest will fall into place after! Move to the top of the list!

you MUST read this!!!

fat
As someone who has battled with the same 30 friggin’ pounds my whole adult life, I consider myself to be a professional dieter. BUT I read this post by Flurrious today and I realized that I have met my match if not my superior.
PLEASE go HERE and read the funniest thing you’ve ever read about dieting in your life!!!

I love this stuff!

Yesterday I made something that is so yummy and so easy I thought I would share it with you.

I love Greek yogurt. Sometimes I buy it at Wegman’s but it’s so expensive! I found a neat and relatively inexpensive way to make it and you will love this stuff!

I buy organic low-fat plain yogurt in the large container ( 32 oz.) . I like Stonyfield’s brand! I take a large stainless steel strainer and I line it with a double layer of cheesecloth if I have it or a white paper towel if I have to make do. I pour the yogurt into the strainer set over a bowl and I refrigerate the whole shebang for about 12 hours or maybe a bit more.

The whey drips out and what you end up with is this creamy, thick yogurt cheese that’s so delicious!! I enjoy it with cherry preserves!! What a treat!p4300150

p4300151

The results are so yummy! According to my sources Greek yogurt is lower in lactose, carbohydrates, and I suppose if you use non-fat yogurt to start with, fat-free!  I personally like the low-fat version but a full-fat version would be even creamier if you don’t mind a few more fat calories.

Happy eating!

randomness, mental debris, physical exhaustion

 I know, I KNOW! I haven’t posted anything in a week! I am mentally sans muse!     This is the most random bunch of shite I have ever considered posting but hey. …You’re here. You might as well continue reading the post, eh?

  1. Someone pinged me from a Swedish language site and I think I know who she is but regardless I am learning how to use Google Translator and I commented on her post, too, because that’s the kinda gal I am!  How cool is it that someone in Sweden reads my blog!
  2. My amazing, handsome, and brilliant son, Dobeman, made some very nice remarks after spending a long weekend here with his bio-mom. BUT I think I have to do some upgrading on my interior decor. I was already considering a new sofa and a new dining room ensemble but now it is a priority! Have you ever entered the home of someone who has lived in their home for 20 years or more and right away you know the the year the moved in, because nothing has really changed? It’s not retro! It’s just freakin’ old!  If I have to eat Skippy Creamy  PB (’cause meat is so damned expensive!) then so be it! I will have moved into the year 2009 rather than living in 19-frickin’-81 which is what my home screams when you see the decor!
  3. My oldest daughter is 7-months pregnant and being quite nasty to her family. She tries, God knows, but she may just drive us all ’round the bend by the time this little boy is born.
  4. bearcold4Man Colds are deadly and insufferably bad! Ask D’Bear! His is worse than anything I have ever suffered through. They always are. 🙂 To his credit he was absolutely amazing this past weekend. He came all the way down to my house after work on Friday, a drive of over three hours to spend some time with my family and me. He had never met my son, Dobeman, and I was dying for them toget to know each other. I see so many similarities between them.  Both work in the computer field, (tech writer, marketing, PR, for Dobeman..software engineering for D’Bear), both are Conservatives, both are cautious and frugal with their money, both have a wicked sense of humor and a love of wine and music and literature.  Unfortunately poor Dobeman came down with a bad sinus infection and a head cold just before his trip here and THEN D’Bear comes down with his nasty bug as soon as he gets home on Monday!
  5. What the HELL is going on with the male bloggers here on WordPress??? Both my darling bad-boy Evyl and my sweet-but-nasty Spidey have been noticeably absent of late. I am a little concerned about that!
  6. I have to have another colonoscopy. Yeah, I know…TMI! But seriously! Two years ago I had a couple of nasty, pre-cancerous polyps removed so I have to do this scope-up-the-ass thing every two years!  The only good thing about it that after 24 hours of fasting and laxatives, I lose between 6-8 pounds and I feel PRETTY !! (Of course I am light-headed and starving but other than that… mah-velous!)
  7. steak_bjIf you missed Saturday’s amazing Holiday then make it a point to write down the date for next year. March 14th is the MAN VALENTINE’S DAY! Yes, you heard me. It was Steak & a Blow Job Day. HA!! D’Bear got two steaks this past weekend but with so much family in the house, he will have to take a rain-check on the rest of the Holiday’s promise!! HAHAHA!!! I hope your man got his!!
  8. Spring is on its way! YAY!!! I went outside without a heavy jacket today and I did not die of frostbite and hypothermia!!!!!! Soon here in Northeast PA we’ll be hearing this:
  9.  .  I’m making Beef Curry, Basmati Rice, Cucumber Lime Salad, and … I’m lost as to what else to feature on the menu for our Saturday dinner with the NY neighbors.  There are three couples, one on each side of the lovely D’Bear and then of course, us. All last summer we spent hours and hours on each others’ porches in the evenings, drinking wine, and sharing good food that we all contributed to the cause. When the cold of winter forced us inside we decided to start a sort of Supper Club. One  of us hosts a dinner each month.  This month is our turn and since I’ve served this recipe for Beef Curry several times to accolades I feel it will go over equally well with this group.ly I’ll have condiments like chopped peanuts, raisins or currants, shredded coconut, etc. but I am at a loss as to what else to make to round out the menu. I need one more thing as a side and a dessert. Any ideas?
  10. Yesterday I watched the Martha Stewart Show and guess what!! She’s getting fat!  She had Marcia Cross from Desperate Housewives on and Martha looked HUGE next to her!  Yes, Ms. Martha of the “I am a former model and I am so much richer than you!” fame. Yep, she and Oprah have packed on some poundage! If Oprah tries to tell me ONE MORE TIME how to lose weight I’m gonna take a gun to my TV!  How can she preach to millions of women (and she does!) and not see the irony?       OK, that sounds mean , but Boo-fucking-Hoo.

 OK, that’s today’s scintillating post, y’all. Thanks for making it to the bottom of the page. Comments are not only welcome but incredibly appreciated!! 

Thank you, Birdpress!

I left the post of Birdpress the other day feeling re-motivated and inspired !

She is so smart about food and health that after reading her article about HAES (Health At Every Size) I decided to get out my trusty cooking class notes and find all those recipes I used to teach whenever I was asked to do a Light Cooking class.  The requests usually started coming in around January, after the gluttony of Christmas and Thanksgiving had passed and we all crawled into sweats because our clothes were too tight!

I would come up with recipes or modify others to create menus that would fill the tummy but leave the waistline unaltered. The trend then was for low-fat so most of them fall into that category. I still use many of these recipes and they’ve become staples at my house so I will share a few of my favorites for those of you looking for good, wholesome, healthy food to make for your families.

One of the most requested is my Spicy Pork and Black Bean Burritos. Not only are they low in fat, but once you make “re-fried” beans this way you’ll never go back to those fat-laden traditional ones again. They’re that good!

blackbeanspork_tenderloin

Spicy Pork and Black Bean Burritos

1 pork tenderloin, trimmed,  cut into bite-sized pieces ( about 1 lb.)

3 tbsp. good quality chili powder (I like Penzey’s Spices!)

2 tsp. vegetable oil

1 small can chopped green chilis

1 small can diced tomatoes

2 cans of black beans, rinsed well and drained

1 can low-fat chicken stock

Flour tortillas ( whole wheat ones  are good but I still like the regular)

Optional but recommended:

grated cheddar cheese

low-fat (not non-fat!) sour cream

Taco sauce

Combine the pork and chili powder and refrigerate (or freeze for future use!) for one hour.

Meanwhile in a medium-sized saucepan combine the drained black beans and chicken stock. Bring to a boil then reduce heat to medium-low. Do not cover. Stir occasionally. When the broth is reduced to approximately 1/4  (about 15-20 minutes) mash the beans with a hand-held potato  masher . They should be thick and will continue to thicken as they cool somewhat. Keep warm.

In a skillet, brown the meat in the oil, stirring constantly so the spices do not burn. When browned add the chilis and tomatoes and reduce heat to medium-low and simmer for 6-8 minutes. Meat should be coated well with the sauce, not runny.

Warm the tortillas in the oven by wrapping them first in heavy-duty aluminum foil and baking in a 350 degree oven for 5 minutes.

To serve, place a portion of black beans down the middle of the warm tortilla. Add a few spoonsful of the spicy pork, and the optional ingredients as desired. Fold and ENJOY!

This recipe is very adaptable! You may increase or decrease the amounts of the spices and condiments. You can use chicken instead of pork (not as tasty). If you like more beans than this provides,  increase to 3 cans of beans but you can still use only 1 can of broth to do the job.

Let me know if you try this. It is a hit with everyone I serve it to!

Happy Healthy eating! And another round of applause to Birdpress for reminding us to Eat for Health!

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Edit note-

I originally said I couldn’t find whole wheat tortillas but with the help of my readers I found them! 😀

!

Diet Update

Three weeks into my diet and …may I have a drum roll, please……I’ve lost 12 pounds!!!  TA DA!!!

My clothes actually have become comfortable! My jeans do not make me cry when I sit down in them! I have learned to LOVE green salads, EggBeaters, poached chicken and bananas.

Yes, I eat bananas every day now since reading about the Japanese Banana Diet . I don’t follow the rules to it though because I MUST have my coffee in the morning. It simply feeds me enough that I don’t crave other foods throughout the day. Go figure!

 I just thought I would let you know I haven’t fallen off the diet wagon…yet. And Birdpress , my little chickadee, is just full of helpful dieting tips. She’s really more about eating healthy but she keeps those calories in check imaginatively , too! Unfortunately she inherited my tendency towards plumpness but she is amazingly disciplined and conscientious about keeping herself fit and looking bee-you-tee-full!

 She suggested some good eating to me just this morning. She suggests I get Boca “Bruschetta” burgers and eat them on sprouted grain bread. Ooo, that sounds really yummy!          Seriously!!             Stop laughing!   I mean it!!hungry

Diet Day # 3- Boring….

I got on the scale this morning. No change. Damn!scale

Yesterday was spent running all over trying to get all the necessary agencies notified about my name change. I have retaken my maiden name so the Social Security Office, the Dept. of Motor Vehicles, banks, credit card companies, etc. all require their own special brands of torturous, time-stealing forms and documents.

I had to drive 32 miles to my nearest Soc.Security center. Thank goodness for the new GPS my oldest daughter got me for Christmas! I was directed there perfectly by a wonderful British female voice. (You get to choose the voice type.)

I entered the room where the Soc.Security houses their inmates. There were approximately 35 people sitting in folding chairs in a room about 18’X30′.

It looked a lot like this...hell.

It looked a lot like this...hell.

An armed guard stood by the door directing people to a monitor where one tapped a screen to acquire a number. Mine was A114. The number was, I suppose, determined by your required services by SSI. Some folks got simple numbers and the one showing on the screen at that time was 34.

I arrived at 11:20. This was one freaky room! Let me describe the people around me there:  a couple with two small children under the age of two, a woman wearing camo pants and a beret who looked like she was maybe a drug-user or alcoholic, several senior citizen couples, a chunky woman with a wayward eye and a reaaallly bad haircut who occasionally made strange, unintelligible noises, a large, unkempt woman who ate non-stop despite the sign reading “No food or drink allowed”, the big scary guy with the week’s worth of beard stubble who kept getting up to go outside to use his cell phone, the woman who insisted to the guard that she didn’t have time to wait because she had to attend to funeral arrangements so she wanted him to put her at the front of the line ( WTF?! Didn’t happen!), and the deaf couple who sat next to me. They insisted on talking to me even though I couldn’t understand half of what they said.

It was a noisy and fragrant room.

My number was called at 12:50. I was parked in a tow-away zone. I used the power of positive thinking to prevent getting towed. It worked! I was SOO glad to get the fuck out of there!!!!

Then it was off to the Dept. of Motor Vehicles where I stood in line for only a short time in order to get a form that was barely legible under fluorescent lighting. I stood there like a moron trying to figure out what the fuck I was supposed to fill in. The lady at the desk took it back, scribbled Xes and check marks all over it and handed it back to me saying “Fill those in”.

Fill WHAT in??? OK, I finally figured it out. Am I one of those dimwitted old people now? I mean I am almost 55!!! Is this when it starts? Am I going to be one of those old people with that blank look on their faces I used to feel sorry for?  ……help me……

 Then to the bank to get accounts changed over. I had to listen to the “account representative” tell me all about her lousy Christmas, her unappreciative grown children who abandoned her for the holiday, and her weight gain as she sat, pen poised in mid-air over the forms. Uh, can I please just get the hell out of here??!!!!

I finally arrived home at 3:15, drank two Medifast shakes, peed like a racehorse, and then watched as the snow began to fall yet again.  No walk for me this day. The snow was followed by freezing rain so it was slick as a used car salesman outside.

 I better lose some weight by tomorrow.

what a “waist”

cookie1I have to throw out, give away, or freeze all the leftover Christmas goodies. I am on Day 1 of ….dramatic drum roll….THE DIET.

I will not post my weight because , well, it’s none of your business, and I am like most every woman in that I think I am really fat when I know, in reality I am only pudgy. I hate pudgy. This roll of blubber around my middle is pissing me the fuck off. I let it come on because I was living the “good life”!

 So now I pay the piper.

Interestingly, I think about my food consumption a lot. HA! I was thinking last night that my weight and, to a certain degree, my level of health and fitness is something I can change if I choose to do so. There are so many things I cannot change such as the aging texture of my skin, the fact that I snore loudly enough to wake the dead, and my propensity for sarcasm. My fat ass is something I can control!

 So I will post my daily weight losses. There will be no gains, I promise you that! When I put my mind to something, watch out!  I’ll be 25 lbs. lighter by my birthday, come hell or high water as my bitch of a  mother used to say.

My weight loss plan is a little extreme. Birdpress gives me hell every time I do this because she loves me but it works for me. I do Medifastfor a couple of weeks so that I can get the weight-loss-momentum thing going and then I just eat very light and healthy foods and start a workout regimen. Medifast is not for everyone but it jump-starts my diet and for me, that’s important. That and making myself get on the scales and really see what the numbers are. Right now those numbers make me want to cry.

 I will be back, crankier than all get out probably, and ready to chew the shoe leather off of D’Bear’s boots but I WILL LOSE WEIGHT!

More Stink

It was bad enough that I had a bad case of flatulence a couple of days ago but then this afternoon I was downstairs in the cellar looking in the spare refrigerator for a bottle of rosé and I almost gagged from the stench emanating from inside. The last time I’d opened that door I smelled something “off” but after taking out the only perishable in there, a box of pie crusts, I figured that the problem was solved.

Oh, no, it was so much worse now! I looked  and looked for the culprit but couldn’t figure out what was causing the foul odor. I was just about ready to give up when I stooped down to check (again) the empty veggie bins and that’s when I saw it: a Ziploc bag of cut up broccoli, carrots sticks, cauliflower, and cucumbers, tucked out of sight on the drawer beneath the wine. I picked it up and the bag was nearly bursting from the build up of gas in there. OMG! The stink of rotting broccoli and cauliflower!

 Case solved! I’d had company over for the weekend a couple of weeks ago and somehow had completely forgotten those veggies were there. Yuck!! So I started wondering what it is about rotten cauliflower that makes it smells so bad. Here’s what I found out over at LiveScience.com:

Fragrant flatulence comes from colonies of bacteria shacked up inside our lower intestinal tract (which is why it can take hours for gas to kick in after a meal). In the process of converting our meals into useful nutrients, these food-munching microbes produce a smelly by-product of hydrogen sulfide gas—the same stench that emanates from rotten eggs.

 The biggest gas-producing generators are sugars and cauliflower contains a sugar called raffinose.

  • Raffinose – The secret gassy ingredient in beans, which is also found in broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, asparagus and other vegetables. Products like Beano, designed to reduce gas production, break down the sugar before it can reach eager intestinal bacteria.
  •  

    Ironically, I also found out that hydrogen sulfide is sometimes released during the drilling for natural gas. See my post about the Marcellus Shale Formation in NE Pennsylvania.

    Weird how things blend one into another, isn’t it? 

    I can tell you that after eating my share of raw veggies that the amount of hydrogen sulfide I produce can be deadly!! Natural gas!! Yeah, that’s right!