It’s ONLY Hair!!!

My best and oldest friend and I went out today for shopping and lunch; such a girly thing to do but we haven’t spent much time together this summer.

 She lives half of the year in my town here in NE Pennsylvania and the other half in Sarasota, FL.. She and her husband are retired for quite some time. They are what is referred to as “filthy rich”.  She has housekeepers and gardeners and pool boys, and maintenance people all over the place.  They don’t flaunt their wealth in gaudy ostentatious ways but nonetheless they enjoy a certain level of comfort that most of us only dream about.

 Because I have been spending so much time with D’Bear and commute back and forth to Rochester a couple of times every month she and I haven’t had as much time together as we used to. Today it really hit me just how far apart our lives have become. She is stuck in a dull routine. She doesn’t go anywhere. She doesn’t do anything interesting. She and her husband live lives of dull monotony but they seem content  so who am I to criticise?

 Today she got in my car as we headed out to Scranton for some shopping and she was jabbering away, catching me up on the doings of her family of six.  Suddenly she looked over at me as I was driving and said ” Do you have purple stripes in your hair?!” I had just had my colorist put in some eggplant-colored lowlights and then some purple-ish strips along the underside of my hair. I thought it was fun and loved the new look!

 I said “Yeah, do you like it?” 

Now I thought she would say, as I would have if the shoe had been on the other foot ” That’s cool! What a neat look! I think that’s great!” or something along those lines.

No. She said “Ummm, …Okaaaaaayyy…” and then she changed the subject.

 She’s always been like a big sister to me as well as being my closest friend and confidante so her lack of enthusiasm hit me like a slap in the face. I chose to let it go instead of calling her on it.

 Two years ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer and during the first mastectomy the doctors discovered a malignant tumor in her lung. They removed the middle lobe of her right lung as well as her left breast and then she spent six months undergoing intensive chemotherapy. She has since had the other breast removed as well.

 I went down immediately after her first surgery and spent a couple of weeks taking care of her. I was so afraid of losing her. When you have no other family, then friends like her become your family.  I couldn’t NOT go! She was such a fighter. She seldom complained even when the chemo left her barely able to move or eat or sleep.  I finally left when I saw her beginning to rally and her youngest daughter was able to take my place caring for her mother.

 Since then my dear friend has gone from vibrant youth to frail oldster. She acts old. She talks old. Her attitudes have even changed into those of an “OLD” woman!

Oh, she still loves me as I do her but we are in two different worlds right now. I am coming into my own with a life I had only dreamed of a few years ago. Since meeting D’Bear I am truly loving life in a way I hadn’t been able to do for decades! She is happy for me but in all honesty she often times thinks I am off my nut! It is so hard for her to relate to my lifestyle. We are only nine years apart chronologically but we are eons apart in attitude.  It has gotten so bad that I won’t even let her drive because she doesn’t seem to be able to find the accelerator , only the brakes!! She brakes every time she drives downhill!!! Arrgghh!!!

 I would have thought that having beat death she would be more open to life, more understanding, more vibrant and sensitive to those around her. Wrong! She is simply stuck in her rich-girl world, completely cut off from what most of have to deal with on a daily basis. She can’t seem to understand that I am no longer financially able to fly to Norway with her for a cruise around the fjords or that I can’t take off for a weekend in Long Island where hotels start at $200 a night! Her days consist of talking on the phone and maybe running the dishwasher. Mine consist of draining water lines,  worrying about the lack of insulation in my attic, or mending the hole in the woodshed roof. 

  Lord, give me strength to remain calm and understanding because she is a wonderful person and I love her like I have seldom cared for any other outside of my children. 

But Lord, would you smack her upside her head and tell her to say something nice about my hair?

Meanwhile, this song ALWAYS makes me cry when I think of my dear friend, Wenche.  May you share a park bench with me in eternity, old friend.

11 comments on “It’s ONLY Hair!!!

  1. Oh can I pah-lease see pics of that hair?!! Email me even 🙂
    As for the rest of the post, Trisha . . *sigh* Dont let the woman bring you down. You’re an amaaaazing woman, a youthful woman, a daring woman, don’t let the “oldster” get to you.

    Red- if I can figure out how to take pics of my own head I will send you some. It came out really cool!! Next time maybe I’ll do even more!
    Thanks for the support, Red. You are a sweetheart!

  2. I did that to mine just alittle while ago. I have jet black hair with purple streaks and I love it. I am getting ready to get the streaks redone and I am debating on doing aqua or blue. My daughter is 6 1/2 and usually goes with me. Last time she came out with neon pink stripes in her hair. As you can tell we are not the normal family and we really like to be different and stand out in the crowd. So I say more power to you. If you like that is all the counts because you are the one looking at it in the mirror everyday. Besides if it makes you feel good then I say go for no matter how outrageous it might look.

    Sunnymom- You and your daughter must be a beautiful sight to behold coming out of that salon! Jet black with purple streaks? Wow!
    I am in good company then!

  3. Your hair sounds awesome.

    As for your friend, *sigh* She has beaten death but is bringing death on herself. She has the world at her feet and yet she clings onto safety like a comforter. That’s really, really sad.

    As for you, keep on doing whatever makes you happy. Your attitude is inspirational. 🙂

    anja- I have tried to make her see that she needs to live for the NOW but she is so afraid. I refuse to live in fear. Been there…am never going back!
    I am happy, Anja. I hope you are, too, my friend. Thanks so much for your comments.

  4. It sounds like it upsets her to see you changing and she misses the person she knew. It’s so hard for some people to accept change, and I think that with all the involuntary change she has endured (losing her breasts, as well as a measure of her health) she is embracing the things in her life that she doesn’t want to lose. A simple thing like your hair, to her, could represent a change in your attitude that she can no longer relate to.

    It’s sad that you can’t be free and easygoing with each other like you used to. I remember coming home once to find the two of you sunbathing in the backyard and giggling like teenagers. Seeing her as “an old person” must be heartbreaking for you now.

    Hopefully you will still be able to spend time with her and she can get used to the little changes enough to see that YOU are still in there. Remember, you haven’t been together as much as you used to be, so this is all pretty sudden for her, instead of her seeing a gradual change that she could adjust to.

    Oh, and I can’t wait to see your hair! I bet it looks fabulous! 🙂

    birdpress- You are, as I’ve so often seen with you, a wise woman. I think you nailed it with your remark “all the involuntary change she has endured (losing her breasts, as well as a measure of her health) she is embracing the things in her life that she doesn’t want to lose.” That feels right on the money. (No pun intended.)
    We’ll be fine. I just miss the vital, cheerful woman I remember from those days spent with her “giggling like teenagers” so it’s hard to watch her becoming more and more pessimistic, judgemental, and rigid.
    Don’t let me get away with that if it ever happens to me, OK? Smack me HARD!
    And I can’t wait to see you, Babygirl!

  5. I wish my hair would ‘take’ to a colour like purple !!!! Sadly it doesn’t.

    I have never heard S&G sing that song. Love it, brought a widdle tear to my eye.

    Sorry you miss the friend you treasure so much.

    I would take your attitude to life any day

    widdleshamrock- Maybe green??? 😆
    Thanks, you’re a sweety! I cry listening to music a lot! It’s the one thing that can get to me better than anything else. Unfortunately it can also make me melancholy if I’m not careful. When I’m feeling down there are certain songs I CAN NOT listen to.

  6. You’d prefer she lied? And you think you wouldn’t see through it? You and I both know better than that.

    Truthfully (cuz you know I’ll say it), I kinda miss the old you. But, I realize that’s a tad selfish on my part. You’re enjoying yourself and that’s what matters; just don’t forget that people like “her” have had your back for a long, long time.

    Dobe- I would never forget that she has my ” back for a long, long time”. I was only lamenting the fact that she is allowing her world to shrink and it’s changing her in ways I never expected either.
    As I learned relearned a few years ago, life has a way of throwing us curveballs. Yes, I may have changed but it’s not so much about “enjoying” myself as it is taking control of my world. Her illness and my life have shown me that tomorrow may never come so it’s important to really make the days count. If that means I make a few blunders along the way then OK. Better I should put purple stripes in my hair than sit in front of the TV muttering about the state of the world and cursing my fate.
    Sorry the “new” me isn’t quite your cup of tea but the truth is, the “new” me is just the “old” me set free.

  7. You go girl!
    We become so many different people throughout the course of our lives. I don’t even recognize the chick I was at 20. And, with any luck, I won’t know the me now in 10 years.

    Dizzle- So true! I have said many times that I feel as though I’ved lived at least 4 separate lives and now I’m working on the 5th. Wonder how many I get? Hmmm…

  8. I so completely love purple streaks in hair — I can only imagine you look absolutely gorgeous. Growing apart from old friends is weird, I always feel like I’m being a bitch, but sometimes it just happens that way.

    Pam- the streaks are fairly subtle but they are there! If you look at me from the front you can hardly see them!
    It IS! It’s so sad to be less intently connected to my friend than in the past. We’ve both just changed paths unfortunately. I will always love her and be there for her no matter what though.

  9. I know I hit a nerve here, but I had just gotten to know the old you and now you’re someone else and I fear I’ll never catch up.

    Dobe- ah, my sweet Baby Boy. I’m not someone else. I’m still little lowercase mom, the same me just with a different outlook and more time to indulge myself. No “catching up” needed. You and I are so much alike it’s frightening. YOU KNOW ME! Crazy as a loon but loving her Dobeman forever more.

  10. You lost me at “Um, okay….” that snarky remark about your kick ass eggplant stripes! I LOVE THAT KINDA SHIT! It’s what individuality is all about… rock it mah sista!

    I had baby pink lowlight stripes (ok, just two) one time and this girl at work said, “Yah, so what’s the deal with your hair!” and I looked at her because I had never really talked to her before and said, “DO I KNOW YOU.” and she STFU. Un-real. Here’s why: Does this dumb ass think that you didn’t like the stripes in your hair? I mean, after all, you put them there? That was a choice YOU made? Even if I thought someone looked hideous I’d say, “Yeah, that’s cute” because that’s what a nice person would do.

    However, I would say it’s cute and mean it because I am all about expressing yourself. My niece has bright pink fuscia hair and my family makes fun of her. What is the big hairy deal (pardon the pun, muah-ha-ha) – people need to realize that CREATIVE folk tend to need to express themselves, too bad they can’t think out the the box that was sold to them…

    I’m mad now. You rock those eggplant locks mama! I wish I could get some but it’s just too costly 😦 Maybe soon I should treat myself to that because it’s been a few years since I got my “hair did”. Love ya Trisha!

    JQ- (((hugs))) One of the traits I most value in a friend is loyalty,…. blind, unconditional loyalty. You give it in spades, my friend! It’s what floored me most when my old friend pulled that “Um, okayyyy” shit because I’ve only ever seen her do that to the people we mutually dislike. Know what I mean?
    Thank you , thank you for this comment. I love how you shut down the insensitive woman at your work with the “Do I know you?” remark. Too funny!! At least she has the sense to STFU!

  11. I want to see your hair too. 😀 People change, both you and her. Sometimes you grow closer, and sometimes you drift apart. 😐 Just keeping being true to yourself, being the best you you can be. 🙂 You may be able to influence the rest of your life, but you can’t control it. What will be, will be. 😉

    Obi Wan- you are wise beyond your years , Spidey. “What will be, will be.” Que cera, cera!
    I luz you.

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