another list of “things I’m grateful for”

  1. Antibiotics…my throat has hurt for three days and I am blessed to have a doctor who believes me when I tell him I need them!
  2. Hot apple cider with rum! Good in the morning, afternoon AND at night!
  3. Fleece pajamas- the ONLY way to get comfy on a rainy and cold afternoon.
  4. Cuddling with my honey in the morning under the covers. Wrapping yourself in each other’s arms and legs and nuzzling is the sweetest feeling in the world.
  5.– Ever since my Satellite dish was disconnected I am grateful to watch my favorite shows here!
  6. My trusty 2000 Subaru Forester… 100,000 miles and going strong! Not cool but damn, Suzi Subaru is the best car I ever owned!
  7. My Visa card (the bastard LOVES me, too!)
  8. Bacon- Thank you, pigs!
  9. A daughter who “gets” me.
  10. Used books stores.. Thank you to Rick’s and Houghton Book Store! You let me be able to afford to have books always in reserve. That comforts me SOOO much!
  11. Potatoes–mashed, fried, scalloped, latkes, boiled, gratineed, salad, baked, hash browned, and…drum roll, please…CHIPS!
  12. Warm, enthusiastic, smoochy, clingy, happy hugs from my grandson  Cole EVERY time I come to see him!
  13. Gummy, sweet, and beaming smiles from my 6-month-old grandson Ryan. Oh, and the wonderful way he smells right there on that special spot at the top of his widdle head!
  14. On-line shopping. Better than dealing with the insanity of malls and big box stores.. ANY TIME.
  15. My hair colorist. Jodi, you perform a miracle every 5 weeks!
  16. Sharp cutlery.
  17. Mascara. Black. Always black. Maybelline. Cheap and wonderful!
  18. Orgasms!   Well DUH!
  19. My blogger friends and my Facebook buddies. You know who you are and I love you all!
  20. My darling, handsome, and loving boyfriend, D’Bear.  He’s my best friend and the best playmate a girl could ever ask for.

This is only a partial list of some of the many, many things I am blessed with.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!!



Dobeman has a BIRTHDAY

birth When he was born,in 1973, I was in an Army hospital in a now-closed Army base. I was pretty sick. I had pre-eclampsia and my blood pressure was creeping up hourly. The doctors decided to induce labor.

I insisted I did NOT want anesthesia. I wanted my baby born free of any chemicals, alert and and as healthy as I could make him. They patted me on the head and told me, in the nicest *cough* Army way, that they would do what they felt best. Can you say patronizing?

 Then they had a sadistic ,woman-hatingnurse come and shave my entire pubal region with a cold basin of water and a rusty razor. After that I got a lovely enema and was told to “void when you feel you really need to”.

It was fun, let me tell you. Nine months pregnant, guts filled with soapy water, in labor and all alone. I had just turned 19 years-old.

 Lying in that sterile labor room by myself, no radio, no TV, no one to hold my hand through the contractions, I decided to be proactive for what was probably the first time in my life. For my baby. I began to push a little with each hard contraction and left alone for most of the next two hours I was not told I couldn’t or shouldn’t.

 The next time the nurse came to check me I told her I thought the baby was coming. “Oh, don’t be silly. You have a long way to go yet” she said in her most condescending voice. Then she checked my status and her mouth fell open. “Oh, my God! ” and she ran to get another nurse to help wheel me to the delivery room.

I gave birth to “Dobeman” on the labor room bed.

He was a healthy and beautiful baby. Do I hear a TA -DAAAA!!!

He’s still beautiful and with the exception of having some back problems and some wicked sinus issues he’s still healthy.

He’s the father of two of his own beautiful boys and he and his wife are pregnant with my new grandchild who is due in August.

 HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my son. I love you. You are the best Mother’s Day gift in the world.

Waiting for the Baby

My oldest daughter is pregnant and due to have her son on May 19th. I am a nervous wreck.

I can barely even think about it without freaking out.

This is her second child. The oldest, my darling, precocious grandson, C. , is almost three-years-old.  He and this baby may actually share a birthday since C.’s birthday is on May 11.

When my daughter was nearing her due date with C. she asked me if I would be in the birthing room with her during delivery. Having had four children, three of whom I delivered without anesthesia, I was thrilled and honored to help with the coaching and to be present when my grandson was born. She had a birthing room at the local hospital and had had the regular “tour” of the facilities earlier in her pregnancy.  Everything was going fairly normally when her labor started.  Things just weren’t going as quickly as the midwife would have liked so with the doctor’s approval she gave my daughter a drip of oxytocin to help the contractions be stronger and more productive. . It got a little too intense for her at one point so my daughter requested an epidural.   It was given and she felt a great deal of relief.

After many hours ( it seemed) of  contractions and finally instructions to “push”  the baby was born!! What a beautiful little boy!

And then the nightmare began.  She started to bleed….and bleed…and bleed.  There was a fibrous tumor near the birth canal inside the uterine wall. The uterus was unable to contract properly due to the size and location of the fibroid. She was given several pints of blood and frantically the doctor worked to staunch the bleeding. It took hours! I stood helplessly watching the blood flow out of my beautiful daughter, fearing it would never stop! I cry just typing these words!

She survived thanks to the professional care given to her by her medical professionals. The doctor cautioned her that any subsequent pregnancies could kill her unless the issue of that fibroid tumor was resolved.  She waited two years and her longing for another child grew great. She consulted with her OB/GYN and they did a surgical procedure to remove the offending tumor last fall.  When the surgeon went in he couldn’t find the tumor and refused to cut her up simply in order to locate it! So nothing was done except that she now had to recover from invasive surgery. According to the surgeon,  hormones cause the tumor to grow during pregnancy. When she wasn’t pregnant it had shrunk to such a small size that it wasn’t visible to the surgeon.

Pregnancy has caused the tumor to grow large again.

I don’t think I can be in that room and go through that again knowing that she could bleed to death in front of me. My heart says that if (God forbid) something does go terribly wrong I will always regret that I wasn’t there to hold her tight and give her all the love this mother has for her daughter.

I am so afraid. I don’t have the kind of strong religious faith that would help get me through with grace and acceptance. If anything should happen to her I will rail against God the same way I did when I was a child and I prayed in vain for the end of suffering at the hands of my parents.

So while I am anticipating the arrival of another blessing in the form of a fourth grandson, I also fear the whole idea. Pray for my daughter. Please.