Waiting for the Baby

My oldest daughter is pregnant and due to have her son on May 19th. I am a nervous wreck.

I can barely even think about it without freaking out.

This is her second child. The oldest, my darling, precocious grandson, C. , is almost three-years-old.  He and this baby may actually share a birthday since C.’s birthday is on May 11.

When my daughter was nearing her due date with C. she asked me if I would be in the birthing room with her during delivery. Having had four children, three of whom I delivered without anesthesia, I was thrilled and honored to help with the coaching and to be present when my grandson was born. She had a birthing room at the local hospital and had had the regular “tour” of the facilities earlier in her pregnancy.  Everything was going fairly normally when her labor started.  Things just weren’t going as quickly as the midwife would have liked so with the doctor’s approval she gave my daughter a drip of oxytocin to help the contractions be stronger and more productive. . It got a little too intense for her at one point so my daughter requested an epidural.   It was given and she felt a great deal of relief.

After many hours ( it seemed) of  contractions and finally instructions to “push”  the baby was born!! What a beautiful little boy!

And then the nightmare began.  She started to bleed….and bleed…and bleed.  There was a fibrous tumor near the birth canal inside the uterine wall. The uterus was unable to contract properly due to the size and location of the fibroid. She was given several pints of blood and frantically the doctor worked to staunch the bleeding. It took hours! I stood helplessly watching the blood flow out of my beautiful daughter, fearing it would never stop! I cry just typing these words!

She survived thanks to the professional care given to her by her medical professionals. The doctor cautioned her that any subsequent pregnancies could kill her unless the issue of that fibroid tumor was resolved.  She waited two years and her longing for another child grew great. She consulted with her OB/GYN and they did a surgical procedure to remove the offending tumor last fall.  When the surgeon went in he couldn’t find the tumor and refused to cut her up simply in order to locate it! So nothing was done except that she now had to recover from invasive surgery. According to the surgeon,  hormones cause the tumor to grow during pregnancy. When she wasn’t pregnant it had shrunk to such a small size that it wasn’t visible to the surgeon.

Pregnancy has caused the tumor to grow large again.

I don’t think I can be in that room and go through that again knowing that she could bleed to death in front of me. My heart says that if (God forbid) something does go terribly wrong I will always regret that I wasn’t there to hold her tight and give her all the love this mother has for her daughter.

I am so afraid. I don’t have the kind of strong religious faith that would help get me through with grace and acceptance. If anything should happen to her I will rail against God the same way I did when I was a child and I prayed in vain for the end of suffering at the hands of my parents.

So while I am anticipating the arrival of another blessing in the form of a fourth grandson, I also fear the whole idea. Pray for my daughter. Please.

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22 comments on “Waiting for the Baby

  1. A wonder and a blessing yet a curse. This is sad and I am praying NOW for your daughter and grandson. My daughter in law had some kind of a bleeding thing during both her deliveries also and I wont’ get into it all because I don’t know all the specifics nor the words. We’ll just say there are no more babies for them.

    I was also in the delivery room for my oldest grandson and granddaughter. When my precious Christopher was born, we had Trinity with us so I couldn’t be there. What a miracle that is and was. I’ll never forget either of those memories.

    I hope all will go well for you and your daughter. Be sure to keep us up to date on things.

    Joy- Thank you, Joy, for your prayers and kind words. Aren’t grandchildren the bestest blessings? I will definitely keep you posted! Only about 5 weeks to go!

  2. During childbirth a lot of unexpected things can happen even to what we call “normal” ones. But now the hospital should be prepared and have every thing in a standby to be able to provide your daughter the best care she might be in the need of.

    And yes Trisha, even if this sounds a bit harsh,however it will turn out you will regret not being there. How hard it may be but that is how I would feel. It’s a hard decision to make I understand that but I would chose to be there regardless.

    Positive vibes are concentrated on your daughter, the baby and all of you involved.

    Childbirth is such a magical thing but so many things can go wrong, that we should concentrate on the magic at the moment and hope for the best.

    Try to keep us updated. We are here for you, you know that : )

    Jeanette- You are such a sweetheart! thank you for the good vibes and for your thoughtful words. I am blessed to be able to vent it here and to have friends to support me.

  3. Everyday, babies are born to crack-whores. Wars break out in which small, innocent children are killed. People, everyday, do unspeakable things to kids.

    God sees each and every one of them. Knowing the mass atrocities that happen every day, you can’t believe that God gets involved at this level often. If he does, and IF these things still go on, could he be the kind of God that has inspired such love and devotion of millions? Doubtful. If God were to prevent these kinds of things from happening, it would be like a “Miracle a minute” and people would soon take it for granted.

    Occam’s Razor then:
    What happens, will not happen due to the will, or lack of action, of God.

    I’ll be praying all the same.

    Dobeman- I understand what you’re saying but in the midst of that kind of trauma it’s really hard to focus on the big picture. All you feel is the fear and the pain. You’re right, of course. God can not nor should he change the will of man since that is what was given by him to man. It still makes me doubt. I wish it didn’t but it does. I see the philosophical ramifications of that kind of interference by a deity once man has set human plans into motion. I get that it was her choice to get pregnant even knowing there were risks involved.
    But when things go tits up, well, we all expect God to lay his hand on us and make it all better, don’t we?

    Thank you for the prayers, Sweety. I know you have your sister’s best interests at heart and wouldn’t want anything to go wrong. I’ll be praying with this doubting heart and hoping God sees through my doubt and helps me find the faith I need to see it through.

  4. I can’t even imagine what you are going through. I will pray for your daughter with my whole heart and soul.

    You are a strong and loving woman and I’m sure your daughter will feel your strength and love having you by her side.

    I will light a candle every night until baby is born and say a prayer for you both.

    Joan- Oh, you are a dear! Thank you , my friend for those kind and loving grandmotherly words! I’ll keep a prayer going for your little one, too. How much longer till Sarah s due? They’re close, I think, right?
    *hugs*

  5. If I could be there and hold YOUR hand I would do it. I just can’t even imagine what you are going through. I will be praying for you and your daughter and your soon to be born new grandchild.
    I don’t even have any other words. I think you have my email and anytime you feel you need a shoulder..you know mine are there.

    JJ- Aww, i luz you TTHHIISSS much! You are so kind, JJ, and believe me, if I ever need a shoulder, I DO know that I have yours. The same goes both ways, you know! That’s what friends are for. I ❤ U!

  6. Well, you know me, I’m an atheist. I have no faith, no prayers, no hopes for heaven or fear of hell. But I will say, that I have made peace with life and death. And it is comforting for me not to think of a God who pleases to take the most precious thing I have away from me. I cannot get angry at this flawed supreme being, who chooses randomly who lives and who dies. 🙂
    Having said all that, losing one of my children is by far the worst nightmare I can think of. But I am optimistic to the end. I will hope and trust for the best always.

    I’m sending all good vibes to you and your lovely daughters.

    SLF- Good vibes are very much appreciated, my friend. Hoping and trusting is all you can do. 🙂

  7. Many, many thoughts going in yours and your daughter’s direction. As scary as it sounds, and damn it is scary, this time they’re prepared. It won’t be a case of PANIC STATIONS when the ‘stuff hits the fan’

    All will be good. She’s in good hands. The bubba is in good hands. Although, I think your daughter should be very content with the family she has after this and not put her body through any more trauma.

    Blessings to you all.

    Anja- Thanks so much. I have to believe this is true and yes! I surely hope this is enough of a family for her!! Blessings to you, too, my friend.

  8. Hopefully it is a good team. And they know the drill. Now that they know where the bleeding comes from, they don’t have to stand around like idiots.

    Once the child is free, mom can be aggressively cared for. Scope, ligation, cautery — whatever it takes. They know where it is or might be.

    I have rare, universal, O-negative blood. I will fly out if need be O_O I’m big enough to donate two units of packed cells. Hell, I could donate two pints of whole blood and not have an issue.

    Although, with an alert crew, I would take out a loan to put down a big bet that they have got it covered.

    Sorry, didn’t mean to freak. Just had a scare with this way back in the ’80s as a paramedic. But medicine has progressed massively since then.

    *tight hugs*

    It’s going to be WAY cool. They know what to look for. God! I wish I knew what to look for back in the day when I was a paramedic! It’s that figuring it out from scratch that’s tricky :o)

    Gadfly- You damn near made me cry with your sweet offer! I have to say, I like those odds your willing to make that they’ve got this thing covered. I am impressed that you have been a paramedic. I bet you were a good one! Your sense of empathy, courage, and intelligence are a rare combination.

    Huge hugs to you, too, darling Gadfly!

  9. I already commented in email, but I wanted to say that this Gadfly person has put my mind at ease a bit. Don’t I also have universal donor blood? Maybe I should be on standby too.

    Birdpress- Just knowing you’re always there is enough. Your sister knows you have her back (and her blood!) You are a dear daughter and a wonderful sister. I love you!

  10. Anja and Gadfly are right. They know what to look for and can take preventative measures. Be there for her, even though it’s scary as hell. I’m not religious either (in a Christian sense) but I have faith that everything will work out. Just be with her.

    Blessings to you and your daughter. 🙂

    Moe- You know I will, sweet lady. Thanks for your blessing and for your kind and soothing words. It’s what a mother needs to hear!

  11. We’ve a family of “O-” but I don’t think they let you do this anymore…not on the fly anyway. Everything has to be banked in advance.

    Dobeman- I never looked into banking blood. Do you think it’s something we should be doing?

  12. Tooters and I will keep you and your daughter in our prayers!!! That is so scary. They did a C-section on me and they only allowed my ex-husband in the room at the time. When they got to my uterus they found out that I was stretched so paper thin they do not know how I did not rupture everything and kill us both. So I am kind of glad my mom was not in the room she would have freaked out. It was better to come out ok with Tooters and tell her later.

    Please keep us posted on how she is doing and hopefully everything will turn out great.

    BTW there is an award for you at my place.

    Sunnymom- Only a mother could say that and understand! Your poor mom!! I am so glad everything worked out for you and little Tooters!!!
    Thanks for your prayers, dear friend!

    (ps- THANKS for that award!! I love it!!)

  13. I have a daughter due on June 15th {with #7 for us} , so I know exactly where you are now…..
    She also had complications last time, and this time a c-section is scheduled for the date, assuming it doesn’t happen sooner…but i’m thinking they won’t let it should she go into labor…
    I hope all goes well, and both Mum and bub are fine afterwards…you will all be in our thoughts…do wish your daughter all the best for us…
    I saw our eldest grandchild born, and the hardest thing in the world is to see your child go through that without the extra concern…she will be in the best possible hands, and they’re prepared this time, so that can only be a good thing….hang in there Mum, stay positive and all will be well….

    anonymum- Aww, thanks, love. I’ll say prayers for both our daughters! I can’t even begin to count the number of gray hairs on my poor old head! I’m sure things will go well. I have to believe that with modern technology comes the ability to handle this sort of emergency.
    I am praying fervently for us all!

  14. What a bittersweet experience. I really feel for you.

    I hear your fear, though knowing the love that speaks volumes in this post also, I do not need to encourage you to be in the room. I know you will be there.

    You also don’t need a strong religious faith to hold your daughter’s hand. All you need is a mother’s love. And you have that in abundance.

    I too will pray over the coming weeks, that all will be well and the necessary specialists will be available for any eventuality.

    Light and love to you Trisha.

    Widdleshamrock- Spoken like only another mother could speak…. I am so grateful…
    Sharing this with other mothers who have daughters and sons and grandchildren and understand the fear that goes with birth and pregnancy …well, it helps me cope. Thank you from the deepest part of my heart for your kind words and warm wishes.

  15. I have a daughter who just had her second child after multiple losses and a difficult pregnancy. I understand your fears and am keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers.

    Pregnancy is such a mixed bag. What a miracle the whole process of continuing generations is, and what frightening complications can accompany that joyous new beginning.

    It sounds like your daughter is in very good medical hands. She also is in excellent loving hands with a mother who cares so deeply. I am thinking of you and look forward to reading happy news in May.

  16. You’ve got my thoughts and prayers, Trisha. May you have a wonderful beautiful new grandchild and may your daughter have a safe and relatively pain-free delivery.

  17. I only have 2 kids because the doctors told me I should stop. I wanted a bunch of kids. I sometimes wish I wouldn’t have listened to them. 😦 both of my kids were easy pregnancies..you would have thought I was born to have babies..but delivery was something else. I was in labor for 29 hours with my daughter. And 27 hours with my son. HELL LABORS!
    My daughter had to be pulled out with the salad spoons and they missed clipping her eye by about 1/2 inch. She still has a scar. It took over an hour to get stitched up. I for years swore they left that spinal needle in my back. I’m still not sure it’s not in there somewhere.

    my son had to be vacuumed out. Not as much tearing with him but he came down to about 10 minutes short of being a c section. The doctor was getting the room ready for it when he finally decided to come out.

    both times I thought me or the kids were going to die. Doctor sat down with me after my son and said it’s just probably not a good idea to risk it again…and I listened 😦

    I will be keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers!

  18. Gosh, I hope she is okay. Very scary.
    The thought of watching my daughters go through childbirth scares me senseless already.

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