Wouldn’t Ya Like To Be a F*cktard, Too ?

fucktardI am seeing that wine can  sometimes bring out the fucktard in people. I am only praying I am not one of them, but then if I drink enough of the stuff, will I know, or even care?

Cases in point:

Friday night a local wine shop hosted a free wine tasting. They offered some lovely pinot noirs, a couple of chenin blancs, and I think, a shiraz. The time for the free tasting was listed as 6 p.m. to 8 p.m.

As D’Bear and I, and a couple of our friends bellied up to the tasting table we heard the pourer say she was all out of the pinots since the tasting was almost over. It was 6:50.  A very tall, Eddie Bauer-ish man protested by saying, “what do you mean? It most certainly is NOT!” in a very obnoxious manner.

The pourer, a tall, lovely woman who represented the wine distributor, not the retail store directly said “The tasting is over at 7:00.”

Mr. Snotty Pants pulled himself up even taller and said, “It is NOT over till 8:00 according to your advert and anyway I wanted some of that pinot you promised!” , in a petulant voice.  (yes, he actually said “advert”) Fucktard!

Evidently there had been a typo and the store hadn’t realized it was supposed to go on till 8:00 and they had not stocked enough wine for the tasting to go on that long. There were probably about 20 people in the shop at that time who did not get a taste of the pinots but they all had the good grace to accept that the FREE wine was gone and tough noogies! The store offered a few unadvertised wines for the tasting in place of the ones that had run out.

This man continued to make an ass of himself by arguing with the poor woman.     We all just moved away……lest we be thought to be acquaintances of his, God forbid! Thankfully we were not!

Not one of us could imagine berating the store for running out of FREE WINE! Well, except for the fucktard.

The next night one of the neighbors with whom D’Bear and I are close friends hosted a dinner party for us and one other couple on the block. The other couple is nice enough. Just quirky and sometimes clueless.

The hosts provided the dinner while D’Bear was gracious enough to have offered to provide some wine for the meal. He brought two bottles for the six of us. Actually it was for five of us since our host himself does not drink wine, only beer. When the meal came to it’s delightful end we all began to clear the table and head for the living room. The other invited guest, Mr. Quirky (I’m being nice here ) said “Hey, is there more wine? My glass is empty!”

He and his bride brought nothing to the party. Not a bottle of wine, nor a bunch of flowers or even a crumb of food, which, while it’s ok, is not something I’m comfortable doing.  Our sweet hostess found an open bottle of wine in the refrigerator and graciously offered it to him and he proceeded to fill his own glass to the rim, leaving approximately 2 ounces of wine in the bottle. Fucktard!!

He and his wife will be hosting our next round of dinners at their home. My moral dilemma is this: do we bring wine to their dinner party? I say “NO!”  Let him figure it out when we ask him for a glass of wine and he looks around to see what was brought for the night. My inner Southern Belle says “why of course, honey ( we Southern Belles say ‘Honey” a lot). You must bring something for the hosts! They will expect wine!”

My other Southern Belle (the bitchy one) says “Oh, hells bells, bring them young’uns some peanuts in a can instead! They’re on sale at the dollar store!”

I’m leaning towards the latter.fucktard2

18 comments on “Wouldn’t Ya Like To Be a F*cktard, Too ?

  1. Ha! Ha! Ha! LOL *shoulders shaking*** ***up and down** heee- roflmao! Rude people suck. Wait, rude, obnoxious, selfish, self-centered people suck.. monkey balls. I say show up with some dollar store mixed nuts. If they do not have wine to serve you at their dinner- I say you and d’Bear make an excuse “I forgot to feed the wild turkeys” and run home, and open up your own bottle and enjoy each others company 🙂 LOL!

    JQ- I’m so glad you were amused. My job here is done then ! 😀
    I like the wild turkey excuse, by the way! I may have to use that one!! HAHAHA
    Actually just DBear and me at home with the wine sounds much nicer anyway! He has a way of making the wine taste sweeter…..ah, OH, yeah! he gives me chocolate with my Cab Sauv! That’s it!
    ! 😉

  2. HAHAHA! As my father used to say … don’t get mad, get even. Perhaps selecting a lovely bottle of old (oops, I mean vintage) MD 20/20? Or Boones Farm Strawberry?

    lupusranting- Your father sounds very wise! MD 20/20? Not familiar with that vintage but Boones Farm, well, THAT brings back memories of my old hippie days, I tell ya! I like the way you think, girl!! 😆

  3. That first guy sounds like a real ass (SECURITY!). 😉 As for the guzzling guest, he should consider himself lucky if he gets dollar store nuts. 😛

    Spidey, Yeah, he was a reall ass but not in a threatening way, Just all ass!
    Guzzling guest will be lucky to get nuts but them maybe he really needs some.

  4. BTW, what is the definition of a real fucktard?

    Kaylee- it’s kinda like saying “f*cking retard” really fast. It’s someone who is so stupid that they have no clue that people wanna slap ’em upside the head just because they exist. I bet you know a few! 😀

  5. Kaylee ~ I love you even more because you asked that question…

    Maybe you should bring him some of that delicious boxed wine.

    J is watching over my shoulder and thought I was serious. He just walked out of the room muttering BOXED WINE. NO ONE WILL DRINK THAT SHIT.

    (sorry to insult those who adore boxed wine)

    I am not a wine snob, only Mr. J

    betme– Mr. J and I have that in common. Box wine? Not for me but then after a bottle or two of the good stuff the box wine isn’t so bad. (Well…it IS but you don’t care so much! ) :mrgreen:

  6. //Kaylee ~ I love you even more because you
    asked that question… //

    Does it mean I am not one cause I didnt know what it was? 😉

  7. oh dear, you have some real fucktards on your hands there.

    I’d take the $1 can of peanuts 😉

    Oh and I say ‘honey’ a lot……… does that mean I’m a southern belle? lol

    bettina- HAHAHA YES! You may indeed be a Southern Belle, my deah! Southern as in Southern Aussie? 😆

  8. Wow! Extremely rude people. Just goes to show that the wine drinkers are NOT necessarily classier than the beer guzzlers. An obnoxious drunk is an obnoxious drunk, period. Oh, I hope you will keep us posted as to what you decide to bring (if anything) to the next get together. That guy’s another winner, huh?

    teeni- Oh, absolutely!! Drunks are drunks no matter what they choose to guzzle! I’ll let you know what the choice hostess gift will be! Could be peanuts. Could be 99-cent bottle of Pepsi! “Oh, we’re not drinking wine tonight. What’s that? You have some wine? Well, OK, but just for tonight!” LOL

  9. Hell, I would belly up to the tasting table for Boone’s Farm provided it’s free.

    Evyl- blechhh! My MAN! You’ll rot your brain for sure with that stuff! Or is that your teeth? Hmmmm..

  10. Holy shit ….

    Get a stick and beat some sense into it

    Teach it to act like a human being


    Gadfly- wouldn’t it be really awesome if we were allowed to carry Fucktard Sticks? OMG! I’d be customizin’ and carvin’ them babies and selling them by the barrelful! 👿

  11. Hell, we may all be f-cktards but you will be the only one of us with this lovely cookie press! Congrats – you win my contest for the tagline! Send me your address and I’ll send it right out to you! 🙂 Thanks for playing!

    teeni- OOOOOOoooHHH!!! I am so excited! Really???? I’m on my way!!! Yippee!! WOW!!! Whooo BABY! THANKS SO MUCH!!!!!

  12. Is it at all possible that the “quirky” couple were not raised with dinner party etiquette and so don’t know the rules? As a newly wed many years ago, I myself had no idea that an invitation to dinner meant I should contribute something. It was only after observing twice that others brought wine or flowers that I realised. From then on, although we didn’t go to many dinners, I always checked with the hostess and offered to bring dessert.

    river- it could be possible except that they go to many social events with friends and work and it’s hard to imagine they haven’t figured this stuff out by now. They’re otherwise fairly sophisticated! Go figure! But it’s nice of you to give them the benefit of the doubt. You’re a nice person! Me? I just call ’em as I see ’em. 🙄

  13. Damn, you presented the epitome of fucktards there. And I so love the pics. May I snaffle them for future use, ‘cos I’m bound to have another fucktard post in the near future? I shall give full credit for where I snaffled them from.

    anja- Thank you! You may use them any way you like. I probably should give credit, too, but I get lazy. That laziness may kick me in the ass one day. ((( shrug))) 😆 Snaffle away!

  14. Dill-holes do not deserve wine lol!!!!! I ran into a guy like that today at the store. He ran over my ankle with the cart then told me that it was my fault for not moving out of the way fast enough. ASSSSSSSS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Love the word fucktard

    sunnymom- Me, too! I use it way too much though. I mutter it under my breath all day long. Do you realize how many of them there are out there? LOL

    I hope that fucktard didn’t hurt your ankle too bad. Next time fall to the ground, clutch your ankle and screetch ” OHHHH, I think you broke it, you FUCKTARD!” Watch the slimy bastid squirm! 👿

  15. i was looking for that poster at the top of this post and found your blog – oh yes, lol, i’m writing a post about fucktards too. Want to use the poster if you don’t mind, (say if you do) and will link directly.

    Your fucktards made me quite annoyed, can only imagine how you felt – it is hard to know what to do, other than give them enough rope to hang themselves with.

    I did think of other things you could do, but they were rude 🙂

    stinginthetale- By all means! Use it! I stole it anyway!! LOL

    I will have to go see your tale re: fucktards so we can commiserate!!

    Thanks for stopping by and being so nice!


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