She was so surprised! Our little birdpress never saw it coming even though we drove her right past the two huge bunches of balloons tied to the mailbox and address marker at her sister’s house on Sunday!

 We figured a way to lure her there. She wanted her sister to see her wedding gown so we told her that her sis would call us when Cole ( my grandson) woke up from his nap. She was getting a little impatient waiting but I told her that her sister had company so she wouldn’t try to go up the hill too early!

At 2:15 we got the call that Cole had woken up so “come on up”! We got birdpress and J. in the car and I asked D’Bear to drive us. He looked at me and mouthed “have the plans changed?” but I just shook my head and repeated my request that he come with us. I wanted him to drive us so he could get our car out of the driveway so the other guests would have room to maneuver. He didn’t figure it out till we got there! HA!

 She was so surprised!!! birdpress really doesn’t like to be the center of attention but she held up well despite her shock! She looked beautiful, so radiant, so happy. She’s a good gift-receiver. Ya know what I mean? She’s one of the good people who really know how to make the giver feel wonderful. She makes each present seem like the best one and every guest feel like the one she most wanted to see. It’s a talent to be that gracious.

 She got lots of goodies: towels, kitchen goodies, LOTS of gift cards, and even a sexy nighty or two, thanks to yours truly and her maid of honor. (You’re welcome, J.!)

 Earlier in the day we had “The Breakfast”.. My STBE (Soon-To-Be-Ex), his girlfriend, me and D’Bear, birdpress and J., her sister and husband, and birdpress’s best friend and maid of honor along with her friend all met for breakfast at the resort where the wedding is set to take place. It was threatening to rain but the place was beautiful just the same with flowers blooming in the lovely gardens and the gazebo freshly painted a gleaming white out back.

I manipulated it so that the bride-to-be and J. were in the center of the long table with the STBE and his gal at one end and me on the other with D’Bear. So far so good.

After breakfast we were scheduled to meet with one of the owners to go over the wedding details and look at the hall where the event is to take place. As I waited for D’Bear to get an umbrella from the car the rest of the group took off and started making decisions about the rehearsal dinner. Fiona (I call her that because she reminds me of Shrek’s girlfriend but not so pretty) and the STBE  acted as though I wasn’t there! At one point Fiona had the door to the pavilion blocked with her fat ass so I couldn’t even get inside!

 They then proceed to march to the banquet hall and Fiona is talking to the owner a mile a minute, asking questions as if this is her daughter getting married, not mine. At no point did anyone say “hey, wait a minute, maybe Trisha has some ideas here” or “hey, Trisha, what do YOU think?”  As D’Bear and I brought up the rear I passed a coat rack and grabbed a wooden coat-hanger but he made me put it back. Damn! I almost had it!

 And then my stomach started to cramp. I felt the urge to go. I hadto GO! I rushed to the Ladies’ Room. Thank goodness it was open and empty. I stayed in there, relieving my cramping gut for several minutes when I heard the door open and the voice of the maid-of-honor say ” did you bring your flask in here?” She cracks me up. She is birdpress’s oldest and best friend in the world and I love this woman to pieces.

 I finally felt better, marched back in with the group and things went better after that. I made some assertive noises, plans were made, and things ended smoothly, even though Fiona still made self-important clucking noises and tried to hold court . She doesn’t stand a chance. This is MY baby girl getting married. Watch out, beeyotch.

 All in all, I feel I conducted myself well. I never beat her with that coat-hanger  lost my cool or did anything to embarrass myself or birdpress.  I didn’t make mooing sounds when she talked. I never oinked as she ate the fourth pancake at breakfast and I did not stick out my tongue and make cootie signs when she walked in front of me.

 The wedding should be fun.

11 comments on “SURPRISE!!!!

  1. Wow! You done good, behaving like a lady and all. It should be an interesting wedding. But hopefully everyone will behave for Birdpress’ sake. If you need anyone to help you out, there’s got to be some fellow bloggers in your area who will be more than happy to moo, make cootie signs and other things so you won’t feel like you have to. LOL. Seriously, what a gorgeous place to get married. Everything will be gorgeous!

    teeni- LOL I’ll put the call out for Nov.1st. Any bloggers in NE PA who want to come as my guest to make appropriate animal noises for FIona?? Gawd! That would be a hoot! I can just hear it ” Who are those people and why are they oinking?”
    But yes, seriously, it is a lovely place and I think it should be wonderful. OK, I’ll behave….if I have to…

  2. I read Birdpress’ post about her weekend. She is such a sweetheart. Maybe I should show up at the wedding with my cane and accidentally trip Fiona. Everyone could watch her go flying and then we could enter the video on “America’s Funniest Home Videos” and take the winnings and give it to Birdpress for her honeymoon.

    You showed what a lady you are.

    Ooo, joanie!! If we win the big $25,000. prize I would share it with you AND birdpress!!! (only fair!)
    I wish you would show up! That would be a hoot and a half!!

  3. Such a well behaved lady you are. 😉 Nice job, 🙂 for BirdPress’ sake. I hope I’m in the area come November 1st. Moo moo, oink oink moo, moo moo moo moo, oink oink moo, moo moo, oink oink moo, moo moo oink oink moo. 😛

    There’ll be lots of food and dancing and celebrating going on especially if that big tractor trailer of yours rolls up in the lot, Spidey!! Bring the Mrs. and let’s Par-tay!!!

  4. You are to be commended. I couldn’t do it.

    Evyl- I believe you would have come up with something brilliant and dastardly. Much better than my oink oink desires!

  5. Oh, I missed this post yesterday! I had so much catching up to do it must have been hidden at the bottom.

    Thank you for saying such nice things about me! I worried that I didn’t pay enough attention to some of the people at the shower because I was focusing so much on my two friends who I knew were the most shy and knew the fewest other people there.

    I felt like a bit of an idiot for not figuring things out, but hey, you know I don’t expect anyone to do something like that for little ol’ me!

    Mom, you were were the picture of fabulousness on Sunday morning. Nobody paid any attention to Fiona anyway. I don’t even remember her being there really.

    Oh, and the nightie? Oh. My. God. 😳 J loved it. Who’d a thunk it? 😮

    birdpress- glad J. loved the nighties. Heeheehee… So it DID fit, eh? I thought so. 😉
    I didn’t say “nice things”. I told the truth, silly girl! You made everyone glad they came to your shower!
    Thank you for saying I was the “picture of fabulousness”. I did feel rather fabulous with D’Bear by my side. 😀

  6. Ha! Ha! Not even one little “oink”??? C’mon Trisha, come clean, not even one? Not under your breath? Heeee-heee. I love this post. You are so fun and I’m so happy for your family. The wedding will be gorgeous from the sounds of it and way to go on the ambush of BP. You took any stress away from her by springing it on her, she didn’t have time to worry and that’s why it was even more awesome! You rock my world!

    JQ- okay , maybe just one teensy little oink, but that’s ALL! 😳
    BP deserves a little specialness ’cause she never lets people do things for her like that. It was grand to be able to see her in her shining moment! She was beautiful!
    And by the way, JQ, you rock MY world, too!!

  7. Oh Trisha, you were wonderful for your girl.
    When my daughter gets married I’ll have to meet my ex… and his boyfriend………. Ugh!
    Good thing, she’s only 14. 🙂

    SLF- wow….at least you have a few years to prepare yourself..and her! Sheesh! 😆

  8. I would have been buying rounds of tequila shots, waiting for the gloves to come off 😉

    Ah, Gadfly, if only tequila had been an option, do ya think I wouldn’t have been doing shots and dancing on her head?? I am just grateful it was NOT an option,for birdpress’s sake. She would probably not have appreciated that .

  9. What’s wrong with four pancakes?

    dobeman- have you SEEN this woman? There’s nothing wrong with four pancakes if your name really is Fiona! *catty mee-ow!!*

  10. Somehow I missed this entry, but when I started putting stuff on a feeder found it. OMG — I was breathing hard by the end, imagining putting up with bitch-ona. How does she imagine she should even open her mouth to say anything other than “Thanks for allowing me to be here”? I didn’t even go to my step-son’s wedding cause it made the first wife uncomfortable. Yeesh. This woman is nuts! You were a good girl to put your daughter’s feelings first and not say too much. I don’t know how you did it, but good for you:)

    Pam- It was hard… very hard. But birdpress deserves a happy wedding so I’ll wait for another day to shove my foot up the lovely Fiona’s ass! 😉

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