Lazy Ass Wednesday

 In which Trisha uses the word “ASS” too many times in one post!

 Yes, hate me if you must but at 54 and having worked my ass off since I am 15-years-old I feel entitled once in a while to just take a fucking day off! This week was rough. Today was MY day !

Oh, sure, I mowed 3 acres of grass, vacuumed the house , first and second floors, did a load of laundry, ran to the bank and the gas station, and started two batches of yeast dough for 1. Herbed Breadsticks and 2. Italian Sweet Bread.  I’ll have them in the oven before dark.  But Baby, that , to me, IS a day off!

I put on my shortest shorts and a tank top and grabbed the cushion for the chaise lounge , a bottle of Zinfandel Rose, my book and a pair of sunglasses and went out to laze in the sun for  a while. I like to get more tanned than D. It makes him crazy to try and be browner than me. Ha! I will win!!

  I live out in the country where I have no real neighbors. The closest one is 1/8 of a mile away and though our fields border one another we really can’t see each other without binoculars. I know this because occasionally I use my binoculars to see who’s riding the four-wheelers around the property line.

 I got cozy on my chaise, opened my book and decided to pull my straps down off my shoulders to avoid those nasty tan lines. Then I realized I could just take the danged top off. Who’s gonna see me? If the UPS man stops I will hear him before he comes scooting around the back of the house. It’s the country. We know one another, OK? He’ll come looking for me when he sees my car out front!

 I pulled my shorts up into my crack to expose as much flesh as possible. It IS a competition, after all, and I will win! I layed back on my chaise and my hand went to my belly. I hate my stomach….

I am very self-conscious  about my belly. Any woman who’s had four huge babies can say the same thing unless she’s an alien whose skin does not stretch because she doesn’t give birth to live young. I am flabby and loose in the belly and I HATE IT! It is my worst feature, no question, and I wish I could afford a tummy tuck. I do know someone who had one, however, and she said it was awful! She said she couldn’t straighten up for six months and her scar made her look like she had a happy face drawn on her abdomen! I still want one. And lipo to go with it!

 I’ve read where men say that a taut belly is one of their biggest turn-ons and a loose one is a huge turn-off.     Well, crap! I guess I’m screwed! (Metaphorically speaking!)

 My first son weighed 10 lbs. 2 oz. and I had just  turned  sixteen when I had him.  My second son was born three years later and weighed 8 lbs. 11 oz. Then came my oldest daughter at 9 lbs. 12 oz. and then the baby girl at 10 lbs. 14 oz.!!!! I am 5′ 2″ tall. Can you imagine? Sheesh!!! I gained very little weight with most of them, as little as 11 lbs. with the oldest girl! But I have BIG babies!!!

 So there you have it. I want to be fit and firm at 54 and I am very fit! I am just not so firm in some places and that bothers me. I know it shouldn’t, but it does.  I can hike the highest mountain in the Adirondacks or ride my bike for 24 miles at a time or go white-water rafting on the Kennebeck  River and none of that will make a difference in how I look. I am a short, muscular woman in her 50’s.

 I hope D. can live with that. I have no choice short of surgery. And that’s not an option for me.