Lazy Ass Wednesday

 In which Trisha uses the word “ASS” too many times in one post!

 Yes, hate me if you must but at 54 and having worked my ass off since I am 15-years-old I feel entitled once in a while to just take a fucking day off! This week was rough. Today was MY day !

Oh, sure, I mowed 3 acres of grass, vacuumed the house , first and second floors, did a load of laundry, ran to the bank and the gas station, and started two batches of yeast dough for 1. Herbed Breadsticks and 2. Italian Sweet Bread.  I’ll have them in the oven before dark.  But Baby, that , to me, IS a day off!

I put on my shortest shorts and a tank top and grabbed the cushion for the chaise lounge , a bottle of Zinfandel Rose, my book and a pair of sunglasses and went out to laze in the sun for  a while. I like to get more tanned than D. It makes him crazy to try and be browner than me. Ha! I will win!!

  I live out in the country where I have no real neighbors. The closest one is 1/8 of a mile away and though our fields border one another we really can’t see each other without binoculars. I know this because occasionally I use my binoculars to see who’s riding the four-wheelers around the property line.

 I got cozy on my chaise, opened my book and decided to pull my straps down off my shoulders to avoid those nasty tan lines. Then I realized I could just take the danged top off. Who’s gonna see me? If the UPS man stops I will hear him before he comes scooting around the back of the house. It’s the country. We know one another, OK? He’ll come looking for me when he sees my car out front!

 I pulled my shorts up into my crack to expose as much flesh as possible. It IS a competition, after all, and I will win! I layed back on my chaise and my hand went to my belly. I hate my stomach….

I am very self-conscious  about my belly. Any woman who’s had four huge babies can say the same thing unless she’s an alien whose skin does not stretch because she doesn’t give birth to live young. I am flabby and loose in the belly and I HATE IT! It is my worst feature, no question, and I wish I could afford a tummy tuck. I do know someone who had one, however, and she said it was awful! She said she couldn’t straighten up for six months and her scar made her look like she had a happy face drawn on her abdomen! I still want one. And lipo to go with it!

 I’ve read where men say that a taut belly is one of their biggest turn-ons and a loose one is a huge turn-off.     Well, crap! I guess I’m screwed! (Metaphorically speaking!)

 My first son weighed 10 lbs. 2 oz. and I had just  turned  sixteen when I had him.  My second son was born three years later and weighed 8 lbs. 11 oz. Then came my oldest daughter at 9 lbs. 12 oz. and then the baby girl at 10 lbs. 14 oz.!!!! I am 5′ 2″ tall. Can you imagine? Sheesh!!! I gained very little weight with most of them, as little as 11 lbs. with the oldest girl! But I have BIG babies!!!

 So there you have it. I want to be fit and firm at 54 and I am very fit! I am just not so firm in some places and that bothers me. I know it shouldn’t, but it does.  I can hike the highest mountain in the Adirondacks or ride my bike for 24 miles at a time or go white-water rafting on the Kennebeck  River and none of that will make a difference in how I look. I am a short, muscular woman in her 50’s.

 I hope D. can live with that. I have no choice short of surgery. And that’s not an option for me.

 

 

 

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8 comments on “Lazy Ass Wednesday

  1. The Harriet the Spy in me loves that you have a pair of binoculars at home!

    But of course! I LOOOVED the Pink Panther! You be Harriot and I will be Inspector Clouseau! 😀

  2. I don’t ever want to spend a day off with you. It sounds like too much work. 😉 There will always be something about ourselves we’re not happy with. If you try ‘fixing’ one it will only accentuate the next in your mind. The point being: it’s only in your mind. D’Bear is in your life. 😉 Enjoy. 🙂

    True, so true, Spidey.. it’s only in my mind ……all the freakin’ time!!! LOL!!!!
    I heart my D’Bear!!!!

  3. Well, we really had an ass day today. I am desperate for a pair of binoculars to spy on my neighbors, but alas mine were stolen.
    Wow, You gave birth to some big ’ems. What book are you reading?

    Too bad about the binoculars, joan. That sounds like a good Christmas wish ’08!
    Yeah, I had me some GYnormous young’uns!
    I am reading several books right now: Wine & Philosophy, edited by Fritz Allhoff,
    An Alchemy of Mind by Diane Ackerman, and
    Nothing to Do But Stay by Carrie Young
    What’s on your reading table?

  4. Oh, sure! Blame it on ME! 😛

    I think it’s safe to say that D loves you and your belly, no matter what. When you think of the bigger picture, your belly really is a small thing. (And it IS a small thing anyway; your perception is just a wee bit off!)

    Besides, it is less about what you look like and more about how you work it, and I know you can work it just fine!

    Yeah, I can work it. I learned re-learned how to get down with my bad self!

    And yes, D. tells me all the time he loves me just the way I am. He’s good that way. ❤

    Thanks, darlin’!

  5. I’m a science fiction junkie. I am re-reading The Ender series by Orson Scott Card. There are 8 books in the series and I am on #2 “Speaker of the Dead”. I also have little books on my table that I read too. One is a book of Buddhist quotes. I also read cookbooks. I have hundreds of them. Always looking for new recipes.

    oooo, joanie!! I have an entire floor-to-ceiling bookcase filled with cookbooks! I don’t cook so much these days but those cookbooks are filled with good recipes and great memories. See? One more thing we have in common!
    🙂

  6. Oh God, those are some big babies, girl! Eek. I’m 5’10” and my daughter weighed 8 lbs. 9 oz. and I thought she was huge. I got nothin’ on you! I did gain 50 lbs with her. Ugh. AND had to have an emergency c-section which f’d up my stomach. I remember standing in the bathroom at the hospital, staring into the mirror at my gargantuan, flabby belly and sobbing. The doc said, “Don’t worry hon, you just have to do crunches and it will firm up.” Crunches, my ass. I’d do 150 per day and the damn flab just sits there!

    It’s the one thing I would change, as well. And I don’t CARE how much a tummy tuck frickin’ hurts. Looking at my belly hurts my eyes…it couldn’t be any worse!

    2LD- Oh, Lordy, that was some hurtin’, wasn’t it? I cried after every baby when I saw that flabby tummy sitting there in front of me. And you’re right, Cruntch all you want. It won’t make that stretched skin any better! I think if I could afford it, I would have that tummy tuck tomorrow rather than having to face this body like this for the next umpteen years!

  7. You win the award, the first person I’ve met with a bigger baby than my 10 pound, 11 oz. Woohoo! Now, my husband would say “You haven’t really met her!” And I’d disagree:) I was just telling my daughter the story about the bear running out into the road in front of your car. If I didn’t know you then how would I be able to do that? Hope you’re having fun . . .

    Yes, you DO know me! You know as much or more about me than most of the people in my neck of the woods! And 10 and a half lbs. of baby is 10 and a half lbs. no matter how you look at it. Now one of my dear friends weighed over 12 lbs. at birth. That was a loong time ago as she is 64 years-old but the woman only ever weighed 130 lbs. as an adult! Weird….
    Hope you had a great weekend
    !

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