It Sounded Like a Good Idea……

shaving cat                                             Warning: Family members (you know who you are)…..step away from this blog. Hit the Random Blog arrow, the Back button, or anything on your Favorites list but I warn you; this is not for you.

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   I have been looking at a few websites here and around Blog Town and I have noticed a trend which made me realize I am more vintage than vivacious. You know how sometimes you are able to look at a photo and tell, simply from the hairstyle or the clothing just when the photo was taken? Well, if you were to see my naked hoo-haa you’d know within a few years how old I am.

  Yes, I realized my unshorn “locks” down there distinctly and assuredly were out of date. Who knew that a full head of hair down there was so passe? I kid you not. One website actually referred to pictures of naked, bushy-pubed women as RETRO!

  No one has been complaining,, mind you, but hey, I wanna be as trendy and up-to-date as any woman! I did an internet search for nekkid pubic regions and WOW! There are huge numbers of sites devoted to how-to’s and design images!  Did you know if you leave just a little hair near the top it is called a “landing strip”?  Holy Mother-of Golly! I had no idea!

  I decided I might want to be bald as an infant just for kicks hygiene reasons.  No hair means less ick, right? No lingering urine or dingles from rolled up toilet paper. We women try to keep it clean but it’s like cleaning the carpet; sometimes you can’t get it all just by rubbing it with a piece of absorbent paper!

  I am thinking also that it might be a new sensation and I’m all for sensation at my age!

  So I read and I read about the best ways to go about it. You don’t want to end up chafed, or bleeding, or with in-grown hairs, or acid burns, for crying out loud. That’s a tender place to take chances with!

 The only time I was ever shaved down there was for the birth of my two oldest kids. Back then, in the old days, when you went into labor, the nurse scrubbed you down, then shaved your pudenda (I love that word) with a cold, dull razor quickly and with maximum pressure! No lube. No after-shave. Just scrape, scrape, and you’re done! OWW!!!! And then you itched and hurt for weeks from the hair growing in and the episiotomy.

  I went to the stores and I bought all kinds of products designed especially for shaving of the hoo-haa. I got special shave gel, a neat spray-on hair softener, little bitty “bikini area” razors so tiny they looked fake, and I even invested in one of those Venus razors that cost a bloody (no pun intended) fortune for refills. I got “after-shaving -no- bumps” cream, and just for good measure some cloth bandages.

  I showered in nice warm water for a good long time to soften the wiry tangle. After sufficient time had passed I lathered up and proceeded to shave the area.

  It’s a hard place to shave. You need three hands; one to hold the razor and two to hold the skin taut. There is no other way! I wished I had a friend to help me but who do you ask? I couldn’t just call my friend G. up and say, “hey, could you give me a hand with something?”( She would probably do it though. She’s a pretty good person to call for crap like that.)

  When I got done in the shower I situated my little stand-up make-up mirror on the stool in the bathroom to admire my handiwork.  Damn!! I left a bunch of hair! So I got the gel out and tried once again while standing there with one leg up on that stool, bent over trying to get those nooks and crannies hair-free!

  Finally I accepted that this was as good as I could get it. Not perfect but passable. I stood back to admire my newly bald self and guess what? Not too bad!!!  Whooeeee! I can’t wait to show somebody!!!

  I think D. will want to be the only one to be allowed at the unveiling, folks. Sorry!

  Then it hit me; I have to do this every day now……………………………………………….SHIT!

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28 comments on “It Sounded Like a Good Idea……

  1. LMAO… I can’t believe you put a warning on that. I was expecting something crazy embarrassing or something. You silly woman. I’ve had a “landing strip” since I was 18. Really, you should have just asked me and I would have told you that you were way over-thinking the whole thing. Takes me like 30 seconds in the shower and I do it every time I shower. I couldn’t imagine having all that “hair down there” anymore. I thought EVERYONE shaved it!

    Oh, and I was going to pretend I didn’t read this after reading the warning until I actually read the blog. i

  2. Oops, I pressed the button too soon!

    I was gonna say that next time, if it is something I really shouldn’t read, I will have the decency to pretend that I did not read it. 😉

  3. You are a good girl!!

    So dang, why didn’t anyone TELL me about this stuff!! ( I feel sooo old sometimes…..)

    So warnings are just ridiculous, I suppose…LOL
    Do you think the Atlanta guy will feel as comfortable reading it as you did?

  4. Hey! Spidey, whatdaya want? Pics of the hoo-haa?

    I’m working on it, alright?!! The digital camera is not the best , ya know!

    It took me this long to figure out the whole pudenda thing. I may need a coupla days to make it technically savvy!
    LMAO~
    Trisha

  5. Hilarious! I love the cat picture.

    My uncle sent me this hilarious story about a woman who was trying to wax her bikini area, and ended up sealing her vaj and her bootie shut. So, it could have been worse.

  6. There were a few years there, Moonbeam, when it wouldn’t have mattered had I sealed things shut. I had a looonng dry spell.
    Thank Goodness I no longer have to say that!! Yay me!

    Well, my kitty looks prettier than this pic here but I felt it appropriate, doncha think? 🙂

  7. hahaha! Have you seen the email that circulated a couple years ago about the woman waxing her “kitty”? If not, I will dig it up and send it your way.

    I have played around with a landing strip for a few years. I have even shaved my hair into the shape of an arrow so that Mr. j knows where he is supposed to enter. Doh!

    My little sis once called me and asked me to come over because she had accidently slit a lip and it wouldn’t stop bleeding. She was afraid she would have to call 911 😀

  8. So I’m laughing my ass off at work as I’m reading this, and people think I’m strange. Good stuff! Best of luck in the future with, uh, all that…lol!

  9. betme- ROFLMFAO!!! An arrow??? Why didn’t I think of that?
    Now see, that story about your sis gives me the willies now that I know it actually happens!! Cripes! This is the kind of stuff I worry about! Having to call 911 would SOO piss me off!! 😕

    Rod- People think I’m strange too but not because of the laughing at work thing. (although that can creep them out, too, if you laugh in a weird enough way.)
    Thanks, glad it gave you a chuckle and I’m hoping for luck in the future with, uh, all that!!!
    :))

  10. Yay. At least you were able to do it without nicking anything, or cutting a lip or two off 🙂
    I sometimes, SOMETIMES, ask the husband to do it for me, and he really enjoys that. Usually I do it, and have no problems. Regrowth is a bitch, scratchy yes.. but if you do it on a daily basis, you have no worry about that 🙂
    Good for you, for at least trying something new. There’s nothing wrong with experimentation.

  11. Oh, Red, I am very much into trying new things…always have been! At least one of my four grown kids thinks I am certifiably insane. 😛

    ” cutting a lip or two off ” ????? Holy Shit! That does NOT sound good……

  12. Oh.My.Gawd. I can’t stop laughing! You go girl! Yeah, it’s a bitch when you accidently cut yourself – like I did the day before I was to have my annual pap. I was crossing my fingers hoping the doc wouldn’t notice (yeah, right) or ask about my self-inflicted wound. Ugh.

    I’ve seen you over at Mr. Parkour’s place so I thought I’d stop by for a look-see. I’ll be back to read more!

  13. 2lazydogs- well? Did the doctor say anything about your “wound”? Inquiring minds want to know!! LOL
    Seems so many women have interesting stories to tell about the shaving of the hoo-haa…..

    lumpylumps- See? I’m tellin’ ya,.. women suffer for their beauty!
    Now go get a razor, girl!! If I can do it YOU can do it!!

  14. Ha! He was very professional about it and just made a quick comment, “You have to be very careful with that.” I got the feeling he was far more embarrassed about it than I was! (Oh, did I mention, I’m good friends with my doctor AND his wife…kind of a weird situation to be in. Haha!)

  15. 2lazydogs- In my small town it’s hard NOT to socialize with your Ob/Gyn. I run into mine from time to time at parties and the temptation to ask him “So, seen anything interesting lately?” is almost more than I can bear…… 🙂

  16. And it’s not just for women. No one likes spitting out hairballs after oral sex, men or women. BTW, this reminded me of a post that I have on the back burner. I think I will pop it on out this morning.

  17. evyl- I am eagerly awaiting THAT post!! “Spitting out hairballs”?!!!?! Blechhhhhh! I really hate that one hair that gets stuck wayyyyy back in your throat and you just can’t dislodge it.

  18. zomgs those cats are so grody!
    The “scientist” that bred this thing needs his beakers comfiscated immediately.

    This post is hilarious.

    i don’t have the time, patience, agility, wherewithall or muscles for that chore anymore. My boo doesn’t mind. i told him he doesn’t.

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