Warning: Family members (you know who you are)…..step away from this blog. Hit the Random Blog arrow, the Back button, or anything on your Favorites list but I warn you; this is not for you.
I have been looking at a few websites here and around Blog Town and I have noticed a trend which made me realize I am more vintage than vivacious. You know how sometimes you are able to look at a photo and tell, simply from the hairstyle or the clothing just when the photo was taken? Well, if you were to see my naked hoo-haa you’d know within a few years how old I am.
Yes, I realized my unshorn “locks” down there distinctly and assuredly were out of date. Who knew that a full head of hair down there was so passe? I kid you not. One website actually referred to pictures of naked, bushy-pubed women as RETRO!
No one has been complaining,, mind you, but hey, I wanna be as trendy and up-to-date as any woman! I did an internet search for nekkid pubic regions and WOW! There are huge numbers of sites devoted to how-to’s and design images! Did you know if you leave just a little hair near the top it is called a “landing strip”? Holy Mother-of Golly! I had no idea!
I decided I might want to be bald as an infant just for
kicks hygiene reasons. No hair means less ick, right? No lingering urine or dingles from rolled up toilet paper. We women try to keep it clean but it’s like cleaning the carpet; sometimes you can’t get it all just by rubbing it with a piece of absorbent paper!
I am thinking also that it might be a new sensation and I’m all for sensation at my age!
So I read and I read about the best ways to go about it. You don’t want to end up chafed, or bleeding, or with in-grown hairs, or acid burns, for crying out loud. That’s a tender place to take chances with!
The only time I was ever shaved down there was for the birth of my two oldest kids. Back then, in the old days, when you went into labor, the nurse scrubbed you down, then shaved your pudenda (I love that word) with a cold, dull razor quickly and with maximum pressure! No lube. No after-shave. Just scrape, scrape, and you’re done! OWW!!!! And then you itched and hurt for weeks from the hair growing in and the episiotomy.
I went to the stores and I bought all kinds of products designed especially for shaving of the hoo-haa. I got special shave gel, a neat spray-on hair softener, little bitty “bikini area” razors so tiny they looked fake, and I even invested in one of those Venus razors that cost a bloody (no pun intended) fortune for refills. I got “after-shaving -no- bumps” cream, and just for good measure some cloth bandages.
I showered in nice warm water for a good long time to soften the wiry tangle. After sufficient time had passed I lathered up and proceeded to shave the area.
It’s a hard place to shave. You need three hands; one to hold the razor and two to hold the skin taut. There is no other way! I wished I had a friend to help me but who do you ask? I couldn’t just call my friend G. up and say, “hey, could you give me a hand with something?”( She would probably do it though. She’s a pretty good person to call for crap like that.)
When I got done in the shower I situated my little stand-up make-up mirror on the stool in the bathroom to admire my handiwork. Damn!! I left a bunch of hair! So I got the gel out and tried once again while standing there with one leg up on that stool, bent over trying to get those nooks and crannies hair-free!
Finally I accepted that this was as good as I could get it. Not perfect but passable. I stood back to admire my newly bald self and guess what? Not too bad!!! Whooeeee! I can’t wait to show somebody!!!
I think D. will want to be the only one to be allowed at the unveiling, folks. Sorry!
Then it hit me; I have to do this every day now……………………………………………….SHIT!